interstellar5555 | I'll Show You My Strength Now

Entry tags:

I'll Show You My Strength Now

Who: Shin and you!
What: Practice, various
When: April 17-23
Where: Various
Warnings: Sex, drugs, rock n' roll (and prostitution)

1.) OTA

Coping mechanisms are alcohol, weed, and coke, right? He's wondering if he's crazy, but he knows all too well that everything makes too much sense to be lies. It explains so much about why he loves music so much, and why he felt compelled to sell his skin, but it left him with the question, is it worth going home?

Currently Shin's on the down-swing of a coke rush, contemplating life and the universe over a Long Island iced tea. His foot is tapping rhythmically to the beat, though his expression doesn't follow along with the same enthusiasm.

2.) For Roxas

Shin normally is smooth and controlled. He rarely looks angry, and since his arrival he had yet to actually once act on his anger. Today's practice seems to be getting to him though. He hadn't been close with the other band members, but the temporary replacements seemed to be getting more and more under his skin. His jaw sets harder with each mistake the fill-ins make. Even Roxas's mistakes seem to be getting to him, and his own mistakes even moreso. The first few (hundred?) plays through, Shin was playing as close to perfect as a human being could get with the amount of practice they had already put in, but each jarring note off of the tune seems to be messing with his game more and more.

Finally, the bassist plays another measure in the wrong key and off beat and Shin snaps like a guitar string. He lifts the bass violently over the bassist's head to get the strap off of him and swings it back around to smash into the floor. A piece of the guitar flies out, directly into Roxas's main drum, earning a deeper scowl and a silent curse. He didn't want to get Roxas involved, but he'd fucked that up, apparently. He tries to let it not ruffle him too much as he looks the bassist dead in the eye before announcing, "Sounds much better now."

He pulls off his guitar and throws it at one of the stereos, making them collide with a horrific sound.

He's apparently done for the day as he storms out the studio. At the very least it's going to take a few minutes to replace the three instruments he just wrecked.

3.) Wildcard

jynxed

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Mai isn't the sort to get involved with anything harder than alcohol and a little weed. It's just never been her style and it definitely isn't now that those dreams of hers are becoming less dream and more reality. Escape is still nice to find though and she's doing her share of it through drinks this evening.

She's slid up near Shin to pick up another drink and in the dim lights just briefly glances over. She's all dark reds, blacks and goth attire here, blending into the general dark of the area itself. Her brows raise up a little. Things have been swinging towards her being more talkative and with a few drinks in her she definitely is.

"Rough night?"

Edited 2016-04-21 03:59 (UTC)

Shin laughs a little at that, looking up to smile at Mai, "You could say that."

He's wearing designer punk clothes, as odd as that might sound. He didn't actually put much thought into the outfit, but most of his clothes match anyway.

"You?"

Mai holds her hand out flat before tipping it from side to side. "So-so. I've been through worse but the last thing I want to do is sit around headquarters."

To be blunt she can barely stand to sit still as is.

Shin groans a bit, "Practice has been murder. It's just Roxas and me right now, and the fill-ins can't play for shit." He may have recently put his guitar through the drum set in frustration.

He nervously looks over his shoulder, "I keep expecting my manager to burst in here and... I have no idea," but all the managers are pretty scary, one way or another.

By now Mai has her drink and she adds in casually before sipping at it, "Go Terminator on your ass."

Shin gives a knowing smirk, "Yeah, that. But she didn't grab me on the way out of HQ so I think I'm okay."

He takes a sip of his drink and offers his hand, "Shin. I'm still pretty new here. I'm Nuclear Parliament's bassist-" wait no, that's not right. He shakes his head, "I mean guitarist."

Okay, that is cute and all, but in terms of professionalism that behavior is definitely shitty. If something was wrong, why not say something before? Why not do something before? Maybe these things were too much to ask.

Roxas would put more thought into it, but having his set that he has put a lot of effort into putting together, not just for the basics but all the extra additions that adorn and enhance it, wrecked almost completely definitely set him off. Who does Shinichi think he is? Sticks are laying down now, drummer standing up and firm, following that which had stormed out recently for some closure, if it's even available.

"Hey," he shouts, nothing about his voice, volume or tone faltering, "Where do you think you're going? You messed up my set, you have some questions to answer to." At this point Roxas won't quit until he has Shin in his grip, having some sort of reason as to why he did what he did other than sheer frustration.

Shin had made it to the bathroom and was already starting a line. He thought he'd wedged his shoe in the door well enough, but Roxas makes it through. He tries to finish it before Roxas can grab him, at this point not giving a shit if Roxas knows. It was going to come out to him eventually anyway.

When Roxas grabs him, Shin rips himself away. "Leave me the fuck alone already!" Not like he actually had anyone that gave half a shit about him here. Why should anyone? He wasn't meant to be loved.

Whatever, this wasn't about who's meant to be cared or loved. This was about making a point.. because, damnit, Roxas already had the hardest falling out he could imagine, that being the loss of his "other half", so combining that with everything else, this was just the final straw that broke the camel's back. There wasn't a closed door, bathroom or not, that could stop him in his path of making this point.

Not a healthy way to cope with this loss, but a way, supposedly? Definitely not healthy considering how many different vices he's been engaged in before this even started, but that's another story.

It doesn't matter that drugs were involved in this situation, that Shin was just ready to finish what would send him on a high towards the ceiling, because Roxas is anything but his dealer, his enabler.. he has his own problems he needs to figure out, in an unhealthy way at that apparently, and letting Shin sort out his own isn't among the list of his solution.

If it isn't obvious, what he says is done so angrily enough that, regardless of what may have happened before, big or small, it's made into a big deal with this, "Why the hell did you have to go and do that? Don't you know we're already short as it is, and as pissy as you can be, that is just not called for.. do you even care?"

"I don't get pissy! Why aren't you angry too? We've gone through this how many times? He can't even get the right fucking key right!" He glares at Roxas, "Why the fuck do we have to sit through so many extra hours of practice for those shitheads?"

He's not okay, but he also looks like he's ready to slug someone, and if that ends up being Roxas, so be it. "If you gave a shit you'd be pissed too! They saddled us with dealing with inept amateur assholes and expect a decent tour? What the fuck?"

Why isn't he angry too? Because up until now, he's had his shit under control. Things were, cloudy and convoluted as they were, figured out to an extent. But now that the one person that could've helped him and made reason for all of this is gone, there isn't much left to keep him acting decent or even cordial.

It's an unhealthy way to deal with that kind of loss, but in this city, that kind of behavior is rewarded far more than actually trying to sort through problems. So, hell with it. He's not angry about that. He's just.. angry.

Unfortunately, Shin allowing, through that outburst, his own set he has worked so hard to put together as he did come crashing down was the final straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. It's obvious he's losing his cool, and fast at that, with the way he's inhaling and exhaling as deeply as he is.

"Of course I care, this is all I have left.. but you going about ruining the goddamn sets we have to work with, my shit, isn't helping anything. And then you run off in here and go to do that," gesturing to that half ingested line of power that was cut in a sloppy fashion, hurried, obviously, "so really, who's the one not caring worth a damn? Are you just looking for another excuse to get high, or what?"

Someone's projecting here.

Well, Roxas might be projecting, but it just happens to rub salt into a wound Shin didn't even know he had. Honestly he still couldn't put words to why it hurt so much, but it's enough to have him go dead quiet for a moment with a murderous look in his eye. "You think that's it?"

He moves to slide the leftover drugs into a little baggie and slip his foot back into his now scuffed shoe. He seems like he's completely calm, like he's just getting ready to leave. Like Roxas isn't there.

"I get it. If that's what you think it explains a lot." Shin's going to walk right past Roxas, shaking him off if needed. "You can tell Blanche I quit."

He's not really going to quit, but right now he is considering making a repeat of the first time he had any coke, except with his own bike and not jumping off the bike before sending it off the bridge.

And Mai takes up the hand readily enough. "Mai. I'm with Crown of Thorns', violinist. Backup vocals too when they need it."

The slip up is interesting though. "Do you play bass too?"

A look isn't going to throw him off. Shin scooping up what's left of his expensive habit into a bag for later isn't going to throw him off. There isn't much that can really get him to see past the red that's got him so wired right now, except threatening to leave like that.

Does he have any idea what they'll do to him? Clearly not, as he tries to make way past Roxas. Snapping out of his mood for a quick minute, just as Shin is about to pass Roxas makes a grab for his arm and latches on, holding tight, using whatever it'll take to keep him from walking out that door and doing something really stupid.

"You've got to be kidding.. get a grip on yourself! You know.. you can't just do that." It might seem like Roxas is being selfish with that statement, and that's true to a degree, but there is some interest in Shin not dying that also inspires it.

Shin tries to rip his arm away, looking at Roxas coldly. He'll push Roxas back if he needs to, "Why? Because I'm just a whore to whoever will pay?"

His stomach drops, hearing his own words coming out of his mouth. He knows how harsh it might be to say as much, and how bad it will actually cut into Roxas if Roxas does care. But he's already on a path to self-destruction, and he doesn't see a point to put on the breaks now.

"Yeah. Most people don't know that though." He had been wondering why bass came so easily, but with the bits of memory that ghost had afforded him it made more sense.

Not exactly something to randomly bring up, however. "I like your music, though I don't know it very well. You know how things are. Not that much time to yourself."

"Tell me about it. Particularly not now, right?" Not with the managers breathing down people's necks because of the upcoming World Tour.

Well push away, because he's fighting this one like something important is at stake, grip only tightening as a result of the attempt to withdraw. What Shin says does reverberate in his mind violently, bringing up those memories.. which weren't awful, but it sounds like he's trying to take a hit at himself and Roxas here.

With a frown, not meeting that cold stare with one like it but instead of stubbornness, "No.. you know what will happen. You can't be that selfish?"

..can he?

"Exactly," he sighs, draining his glass and signalling for another. "You think they would have warned us before the media.

Shin's cold look falters and he looks away. "You'd be better off without someone like me."

All he wanted is love. Friends, family, someone to stand here and do exactly this. To hold onto him like he matters. He's not sure why he's fighting against it so hard. He doesn't know why he's trying to hard to push it away and deprive himself of it.

But at least he's not literally pushing Roxas away this time. He's still straining against Roxas's grip, but it's lost most of it's force. Yes, he wants to return to Hachi, to Ryoko, and to Reira. He wants to go back to BlaSt, but the same part of him that's here, trying to run from Roxas, is the same part that keeps driving him to terrible choices at home as well. It's what keeps him going back to Ryoko.

He's not worth the effort everyone seems to want to put in to him. He just doesn't see how these people don't see that too.

"Like hell they would. We're pretty much dispensable music machines to them." She says that much with a distinctive bitter edge. The events of the past months have worn down her already sour opinion of the labels themselves. Wolfram's disappearance and subsequent lack of communication, the rampant fear of her label that soured her own opinion of herself and her manager's disappearance were all compounding together now.

Plus she's drunk. Being drunk really helps.

Shin doesn't want to agree, but he does. "And yet you know how they'd react if we tried to quit," he says, a little sloppily. He'd been trying to be a bit more covert about the kind of things that just seemed wrong, like how quitting meant that you would basically disappear, if you could quit. He wondered if it was even possible with how Roxas had responded to his threat to quit earlier.

Even if that's true.. that's not right. Shin doesn't get to say who does and doesn't care for him, in whatever way they do. The way that Roxas feels about him might not be what he needs, or as much as others could or would do that may help more, but it's something, enough to keep his grip on him tight, unyielding. As that face turns away from him, the anger in himself cools off enough, for now, so he can see the big picture and hold off on being a jerk for a moment.

"Why would you even say that? You know.. that's not fair." He wants to tell Shin that he's not the only one dealing with shit here, which is very true, but that won't help now. He knows better, at least.

It's not easy to part truth or emotion when he talks, he's never been great at that, but it's all coming up now. This might not be entirely directed at Shin, but they both seem like they need it. Closing his eyes, grip still firm just in case, "Don't you realize that some of the things you do hurt other people too?"

"Roxas. I'm not worth your time," he says weakly. "I can't help anyone. I can't help myself, let alone anyone else." He bites his lip, shaking.

He takes a deep breath, trying to relieve how tight his chest feels. "Just let me go. They'll find a replacement before long. One that won't be a constant fuck-up."

Jesus, this is so frighteningly reminiscent of too many memories in the past he'd rather not have dug up. But here he goes, it's happening despite the desire or intent. This is not something he wants to be unearthing right now.. but it looks like he has to. Sternly, "No."

And, all the while, he has to maintain a grip of Shin while make sure no one comes in the bathroom -- actually, there's an easier solution to this. He can reach over, dragging Shin a bit for now, and flip the lock on the door so no one can come in without a key. Like usual, people will figure they're doing drugs or having sex, which doesn't matter.

At least with that taken care of he can let go of Shin, his back to the door, but a lot more comfortable than inevitably leaving bruises on Shin's arm with that death grip.

"That's just not true. I know it isn't. Stop.. stop thinking like that. Is that why you do all of this, like you don't care?"

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I'll Show You My Strength Now

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@ 2)

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TW suicidal thoughts??

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