interstellar5555 | and i've been searching for something so undefined

Entry tags:

stampy

and i've been searching for something so undefined

Who: Bai Shen and YOU~
What: Shen tries to deal with his trauma by doing what he ~~thinks he~~ remembers doing pre-Virgo.
When: December 15-20th, evenings. Ish.
Where: Vista City's boardwalk.
Warnings: References to I Will Twist The Knife & its events [violence, death, etc]. Trauma.

He's exhausted.

Mentally and physically, Bai Shen feels at the end of his rope; past the point of exhaustion, really, this is an overwhelming numbness that leaves only so much room to feel sorry for himself. Much less others. He moves almost like a machine, following directions without spirit or substance, and making only the most paltry attempts to practice.

Which in itself is off; he's always so focused on the improvement. Then again, considering recent events, paired with how everybody must no doubt think of him...

One night, though, he creeps out of the penthouse. Taking a slightly different style than normal, he keeps his head down and the large case on his back like a shield to block him from sight and notice. It's heavy, but he's used to bearing its weight; didn't he plenty of times, before being recruited for VIP?

All of this is familiar to him. Walking the streets, getting a few odd glances as people try to figure out if he's a boy or a girl (or something else entirely), hopping on the bus to get a ride to the boardwalk. If anyone does have a suspicion of who he is, they keep it to hushed whispers; maybe it's his somber attitude that creates the much-needed space, or maybe it's his face, very much disinterested in anything that's going on around him. (Maybe they hate him.) Maybe it's the way he clings to the synth's case as though it's the only thing he has in the world, which is...not far from true.

Eventually, he arrives. The boardwalk is a busy place, but it's a little lighter tonight; that's fine with him. It gives him the opportunity to find some space to set up his synth without being disturbed, the case being left open before it more out of habit than any real interest in busking. That's not what this is about; this is about just finding a place where he can stop being Bai Shen and just be...

Something more. Or less, as the case is. He takes a deep breath, adjusts some of the knobs on the synth- and begins to play. At first, aimless improv; the sort of somber, wandering blues that lead to more than a few passerbys slowing and stopping and, occasionally, tossing their spare change in to the case. Eventually, though, he begins a quiet, hesitant sort of vocal accompaniment, almost as though he's singing to himself more than to the crowd.

"Couldn't find a means to tell you
Couldn't find the words to say
Couldn't bring myself to find you
Just let it fade in to yesterday

Wasn't sure what I'd been missing
'Til I woke up'n looked around
Now I find myself here wishing
I was waking up homebound..."

((OOC; if you'd like to do something else - maybe back at Virgo - hit me up! c: ))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Kido needs to get out. Her head is stuffy and she's freaking confined and she can't even do what she wants with someone tailing her all the time, but she needs to get out. She doesn't even bother with a disguise, just her comfortable jeans and hoodie. The bodyguards have enough of an eye on her that her eyes only make it look like she's ducked behind someone else when she disappears and reappears. Red for a minute, grey for the next, the Snake of Concealing Eyes is at least not being excessively conspicuous.

It's pretty aimless in the end. Her hands are stuffed in her pockets and her eyes are cast down. If she'd been paying attention, she would've avoided him like the plague.

But she's not. And she bumps him on her way to getting around--she turns with a half-hearted apology on her tongue. And then she sees who it is. And she almost trips over herself in her need to get away, her eyes burning red.]

[the feeling would be mutual, for Shen. it doesn't help that he keeps his head down for most of it, the getting used to these excursions. he might eventually get in trouble, but for now, they almost seem like the only way he can get some breathing ro-]

Oof!

[getting knocked on his skirt seems to be a common thing for him lately- though his first instinct is to make sure the synth isn't damaged, twisting so that he falls on his side rather than his back. and even then, he takes a good few seconds to frantically look it over, because sneaking out is one thing but damaging the equipment-]

Careful, you could have-!

[whatever could have happened gets cut off when he catches sight of Kido and takes a sharp, shocked inhale. her. the color drains from his face as he remembers, and his clutch on the synth's case turns defensive more than anything else as he tries to bring it in front of him like some sort of shield.

he barely registers his sunglasses have fallen off.

and he certainly doesn't register the fact that his own eyes are red as well.]

[Kido's not in any position for attacking, her stance completely defensive. She knows Celty said the guy's not eager to stab again, but...

Her eyes are still wide and she's still scared.]

It's you.

[yeah

he's

not trying to get up. he is, however, finally fumbling for his face to put the glasses back in to place. there's a thought, wearing sunglasses at night...]

Nm. [he swallows, looking just about as scared as she is. in his own way, mind. he thought he killed her, she's- she's not.]

I...

[he looks down, breathing shakily. his voice is quiet when he speaks again, but...there's a faint air of relief to it.]

...I'm glad you're okay.

Yeah. So am I. [The tension in her shoulders eases a little. Breaking eye contact seems to break another kind of spell. Why is everyone having such a weird time with their eyes?

She could be petty and not move. It would probably be safest. In her best interest. Even if she wasn't kinda scared of him, he's Virgo, and they're Not On Good Terms right now.

But she instead, with tight limbs and a shaking hand, moves over to offer him help up.] Lesedi brought me back. [Yeah, kid, she nearly fucking died. Let's be clear with that.]

Now you won't have to worry about jail time. [Celty told her he had.]

[looking down, he can't see her hand- well, it's hard to completely ignore, but it takes a moment. after that moment he looks up and...seems a little confused. why is she...?

and then he flinches, looking away again.] Yeah, well...maybe that or something else. [he doesn't say what something else is. he doesn't want to think about it. he doesn't want to think about a lot of things, like how he was so driven that night and it seems to have taken so much out of him and how he's afraid he'll never get it back or get them back

whomever they are.

he shifts the case to the side, trying to get up on his own.]

[That flinch is enough to make her almost grimace. She imagines of Momo had succumb to the same thing everyone else had, she'd be the same. She'd be nervous and scared. If Celty had, or if Greg--anyone she knew from Virgo.

Most of her friends are from Virgo. This is a hard time for her in a lot of ways.]

Just take the hand. I'm not gonna hurt you. You need the counterbalance.

I'll be fine. [tsun much, Shen? look, all he has to do is kind of use it as leverage and

well maybe if he sort of

he should just unstrap it from his body he'll do that yeah that'll

this is taking way too much effort, but stubborn young person is stubborn.]

[Oh my god. Kido only has so much patience. She grabs him by the elbow and yanks him up.]

Getting murdered isn't contagious, knock it off.

[cue undignified yelp. Kido's motions dislodge his sunglasses, once more revealing red eyes- ones that are glowing a bit, no less, as he tries to pull away]

I know, I-why are you being nice to me!

[hE STABBED YOU!!!!11]

Celty told me you've been freaking out since then. I have bigger problems than holding a grudge because Blanche is a fucking psycho.

[Also.. his eyes like. Let's be real it's something that can immediately endear him to her. If he's a monster, too, then... well. It's a part of her, programming or not. She's gotta take care of other monsters.]

[those eyes blink a few time, wary confusion turning in to...well, a different kind of wary confusion. Shen keeps a step away, holding on to the case, before...swallowing, once.]

...you know Celty?

She kept me alive that night. Long enough for Lesedi to... whatever she did.

[Shen is...torn. on one hand, he dearly wants to know what happened- on the other, he's still incredibly upset over it all. knowing Celty was cleaning up his mess-

he swallows, because isn't that thought just like those awful ones that were running through his head that night. he looks down.]

I'm sorry. You probably hate me.

Well, if you stab me again, I'm going to stab you back.

[Her glare is only brief, at least.]

But you weren't yourself. No one was. Hell, I think my own girlfriend tried to poison me.

...okay.

[he'd deserve it. heck, if she stabbed him now, he'd probably think he deserved it. but. um. have a furrowed brow, Kido.]

Why would she...?

[No, he wouldn't. That's her point here.]

She's Virgo, too. None of you guys were acting right that night. And I don't hate you. I don't have time for that shit.

[Hatred is reserved for Xanxus, Blanche, and the yellow eyed asshole she keeps dreaming about.]

[he can only think of Celty and Bill. how Celty was trying to comfort him, and Bill...well. was Bill. he was probably trying to comfort him as well, just...]

...okay.

[there's a little more firmness to it this time; acceptance? confidence- no, not that. Shen is so very rarely confident, except when he's on stage.]

...it was still messed up.

No shit, I almost died. [The way she looks at him, the later tabloid rumors of her being demon possessed don't seem too far off. Then she sighs.]

Cover your eyes better.

[wait, w-AWK! Shen hastily reshifts his sunglasses, swallowing nervously.]

I'm g-getting contacts. Soon. I d-don't know why...

[Kido's eyes flash from grey to red back to grey. She doesn't even know if he'll notice. She barely notices--there's enough distress there, though, to set it off.]

Nobody does, but if you get caught there could be trouble.

[he does. he can be observant, regardless of state, when when this is all about eyes...he swallows again, hesitantly lowering his hands]

C-can...c-can you control yours...?

[Control? She won't look at him when she responds.]

... I'm working on it.

...

[he swallows]

I've got some contacts on order. If...you need a pair...

I'll be fine. They glow. And I think they get hot.

[That's a disaster waiting to happen.]

... Thanks, though. Use them. Nobody needs to get caught.

Hot? Like fire...?

And- yeah, I am. I mean, it doesn't block all of them, but...

Not like fire. Warm. Comforting I guess.

It's enough that people wouldn't notice until they look closely.

[A week is plenty of time for Luci to keep her head buried in the sand. When she ventures out, though, she's kind of surprised to see a suit following her. Lesedi making sure Luci doesn't try to slip out of their deal, maybe? No, apparently just garden-variety bodyguarding. Protection from Virgo.]

[Luci isn't intending to seek out any Virgo musicians, but shockingly she comes across one-- and one she'd been hoping to contact sometime soon.]

[Without makeup and her usual hairstyle, she looks almost indecipherable from herself. She's actually wondering if Shen will even recognize her. She stops in front of his synth, hands in her hoodie pockets, listening with a faint smile. Waiting to see if he knows it's her.]

[he doesn't seem to even notice her at first, still keeping his fingers wandering on the synth as they wilt. if nothing else, he seems calm while doing this, which in itself isn't really a state Luci's seen him in. unless you count...well. that doesn't count, and he's trying very hard not to think about any of it. fortunately, letting himself get lost in the music is certainly a good way of accomplishing it.

eventually, though, he looks up, sunglasses glinting a little bit with reflected light from the pier. when he speaks, his voice is soft.] I'm not really taking requests, sorry.

No? I kind of wanted to hear the one about the punk rock singer.

[She smiles, it's soft like her tone of voice, but there's a hint of amusement. Apparently he doesn't in fact recognize her.]

[....no, but that voice is kind of familiar. he blinks, and, after a moment, reaches up to half-lower his sunglasses.]

I'm sorry...?

[Luci laughs, and pulls her hair back by running her fingers through it until it's a good enough approximation of how it's usually slicked back.]

I thought it was pretty good.

[he gets it about when she puts her hand up, but when she slicks her hair back, that pretty much cinches it. Shen takes a sharp inhale, leaning back- then looks down, swallowing]

No it wasn't.

No? Well maybe we can come up with a better one.

[She comes around the other side of the synth and makes a shooing motion to get Shen to scoot over.]

[wat. Shen's too really surprised to resist, though he's a bit of a lump at first before finally moving.]

'We'?

Or I can, either way. [She sits down next to him and puts one hand on the board-- she's not a pianist, but she knows enough to compose. She plinks out a little tune to start.]

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let them sweep me off my feet

I won't let them in again
The messages I've tried to send
My information's just not going in.

Burning bridges shore to shore
I'll break away from something more
I'm not turned on to love until it's cheap

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun; don't put me down
I'll never let them sweep me off my feet.

I mean- I didn't know you-

[...could play. apparently she can. automatically there's a part of Shen going in to critic mode, noting flaws- but other than pointing them out, once he picks up the beat and tune, he begins to play a lower accompaniment. it's not quite the blues he was singing, but he can certainly keep a jazzy beat like this.

it's practically child's play, to him.]

[Luci grins as Shen does exactly what she was hoping for-- turn her naked tune into something fuller.]

This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof

[She takes her fingers off the synth and scoots a towards the end of the bench to make more room for Shen to take control.]

Alright, same thing again, but put your back into it--

I won't let you turn around
And leave me now-- I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead.

Do, do, do their dirty words
Come out to play when you are hurt
There's certain things that shouldn't go unsaid.

Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch
My life's too short for me to stop
Oh, baby, our time is running out.

I won't let you turn around
And leave me now-- I'm much too proud
All they do is fill me up with doubt.

[this is what he does, Luci. he's not the lead, he's not even one of the lead instruments- but his synth fills the sound, gives it a depth and atmosphere. and by the time she's finished the next four stanzas, he's got just enough courage to add his quiet tenor to it-]

This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof

[and then, abruptly, a shift in sound- dropping a lot of the flair and keeping it on the basics, he repeats it with a glance upwards to see if she minds]

This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be
Bulletproof...

[She doesn't mind at all, she's thrilled that he's singing with her. It's surprising, yes, but she encourages it by patting his stomach indicating where he should breathe to.]

[She sings out the last two stanzas with him and finishes with a grin that's more like the Lucifer everyone knows.]

That's not too bad either. I like you singing the chorus, the lyrics are good to you.

[Shen falters a bit at the contact, but once he's over the surprise he manages to pick it back up. when she gives him that smile?

well, he's looking back down again, this time blushing a little as he reaches to fix his hair]

I sing backup on some of the songs. 'Mnot nearly as good as Bolin, though.

Shush, none of that. [Luci taps his chin, trying to get him to look up.] Your voice is important. A lead can't do it all by themselves.

[the lighter one doesn't have him flinch again, at least. and he does look up, a passive little barely-there smile present] He has the rest of us.

And for good reason. Hard to dance to just one voice. [She smiles, holding onto it for a moment before it falls a little.]

You're beating yourself up pretty bad over what happened, aren't you?

[Shen doesn't answer that immediately. he doesn't really do anything but lose that smile, then swallow, then...let out a heavy breath as he looks back down. maybe not so much to avoid her gaze, though. this time, it seems a side effect of him adjusting some settings on his synthesizer before picking out some slow notes]

It was messed up.

[that would be a 'yes'. a quick tweak to the synth- and he's able to trigger it's dual-sound mode, his right hand playing a piano-like trail while his left keeps the rhythm with one almost reminiscent of a guitar. this might be even better if he had a sax with it, but Bill's only really so much for the blues...]

I know. I know you were.

[She listens to the music, silently thankful that they were fortunate enough to be able to convey their emotions and thoughts through a medium that was so much more complex than words. This is obviously how he's feeling, how he's felt.]

I don't know when I'll see you again, but I'm not going to feel right about anything until I tell you that I know what happened wasn't within your control. You're a good kid, Shen. Something bigger than we signed on for is happening, we found that out the other night. [She pulls her eyebrows together slightly, in an extremely uncharacteristic expression of concern.] You'll take care of yourself, yeah?

[something bigger than we signed on for

Shen lets his hands rest, closing his eyes as his brow knits together. something about those words...

there's people standing around him, beside him
all of them focused on some sort of - hologram? - before them
they don't understand fully what's going on
but they know that they have to see it through

he rubs at his face, briefly, the deja vu almost, almost familiar by now. but at the same time, it just makes him fret. should he admit to Luci that he's worried it's related, that his not-thoughts have something to do with that night, that he's terrified that if they continue he's going to start thinking like he did before and...maybe...?

no, something in him whispers. you can't be so free to trust.]

...I will. You too. And...'msorry.

Me too. [She leans in and kisses his forehead. Shen's a good kid, he didn't deserve to beat himself up so bad. Even if she didn't have anything to apologize for, it seemed like the thing he wanted to hear.]

Sorry I sat on you.

[AND NOW HE IS UTTERLY, COMPLETELY, 100% BEET RED. good job, Luci. good. job. excuse him while he kind of ~~pulls up~~ adjusts his collar.]

'Sokay. You did good.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

and i've been searching for something so undefined

no subject

gonna set this after his offscreen visit with the fairy god rockers k?

u got it.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject