interstellar5555 | 2 ♊ Meow meow meow meow

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2 ♊ Meow meow meow meow

Who: Artolo Apemis, an annoyed manager, and anyone in the vicinity
What: Oh look, it's the witch and his familiar
When: January 10th
Where: Outside Pride Records, and outside CoT's penthouse
Warnings: Artolo's mouth

A - Outside Pride Records

If anyone listens to certain sources, then Artolo Apemis is apparently some sort of witch gathering a hoard of cat familiar.

"Cat! I'm a kitty cat. And I dance dance dance~."

...It's kind of true.

Sure enough, Artolo can be found outside Pride Records not too far away with a fluffmonster of a white cat in his hands as he crouches down by a wall. The relaxed animal seems strangely okay with being manhandled like it is, its back between Artolo's legs and its paws being manipulated in a dance.

It's his way of coping. Well, not his preferred way. His preferred way involves not being sober in any capacity. However, he's been bad enough at it all that even An is starting to narrow her eyes at him. So he takes a break from it... by messing about with his favorite animal that's been lurking around. It makes him feel relaxed.

Besides, when the cat lolls its head back to look at him and stares up at him with those green eyes...

A sharp toothed grin, yellow-green eyes sparkling at him, gray skin, it's all so surreal, but there's just fond exasperation as he tells her "Stick an imperial pail up my nook, Dii, we seriously can't, put it back"-

It feels familiar for some reason.

Artolo grins down at the cat as it finally bats down at the jack-of-club pendant swinging from his neck.

Maybe he'll name it Diedre.

"Ha ha, I should name you Semen Candy."

B - Outside CoT Penthouse, later

"What the cock do you mean I can't keep the cat inside!?"

Not that Artolo is particularly surprised about this result. That doesn't keep him from having a showdown with his manager An right outside the penthouse, her barring the way inside all lace and black. Her finely done up lips are screwed up in a frown as she glares down at the ball of fluff that Artolos is holding in his hands.

"I said what I meant, Artolo. That animal is filthy- who knows where it's been? And all that white for your outfits? I might faint at the very idea this wretched little beast might tear them to shreds. No. It's out of the question. No pets in the penthouse."

Making a frustrated noise, Artolo's head swivels back and forth until landing on the nearest person- most likely just passing by but oh boy guess what they're getting dragged into now as he points at them?

"Hey! You! C'mere, and help me argue against this control freak!"

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Sora had just been innocently out to grab some french fries to feed a craving, and was returning with an entire bag of them (to share with his band mates, of course) when he comes upon this scene. An argument. And also a cat. A cute fluffy cat. Which is more surprising than the argument, really, except that the argument's about the cat.

...And now he's been spotted and called over. Sora's eyes widen and he points to himself questioningly, glances over his shoulder behind him, then looks back at Artolo and walks over because ~~someone has asked him for help and he has obsessive helping syndrome~~ well, if someone wants a pet they should be allowed to have a pet. And that's his stance on that. However, he starts out with: "...Uh. Looks like a pretty clean cat to me?" Very good, nice job, Sora.

Tamara may have been watching this adorable scene and she may sort of creep up next to Artolo until he decides to notice her. (She doesn't want to scare the cat away.)

"Interesting name for an adorable kitty."

Actually it's an awful name to bestow upon a cat, but Tamara won't question her percussionist.

"Oh my god Double A, really?"

Unlike Tamara he doesn't creep up. He flounces over looking like he owned the place and gives Artolo a look. "You can't name cats something like that."

Tooru has less tact than Tamara does too. "Obviously you should name it something like 'Satan's Daughter' or 'Slayer of a Thousand Fish.'"

Fortunately, Diedre/Semen Candy/Satan's Daughter/Slayer of a Thousand Fish seems to be an amazingly relaxed cat. Her reaction to more people seems to be the start of a steady nasally purr.

Artolo meanwhile just sticks out his tongue. "It's a beautiful name, thanks." He fiddles with the cats paw, at least thinking on the new suggestions. "...But maybe Slayer of a Thousand Fish could work. What would you even shorten that down to? Just Slayer?"

Sora's assessment of the cat's cleanliness has Artolo fling an arm out towards him in a very obvious see!? gesture. That, in turn, has An just pinch the bridge of her nose oh-so delicately. Artolo is a nuisance to deal with on good days. He doesn't need people enabling him. At least for cats.

"It's an off white-" Artolo makes a noise at the clearly damning insult to his cat's brand of white. "-and just because it looks clean on a surface level means nothing. It was picked up right off of the street!"

"That doesn't mean it's dirty, right, Sora?" If he wasn't holding a fistful of cat, Artolo would cross his fingers that he's agreed with here.

Cat? There's a cat? How did Xanxus not realize there was a cat in his vicinity? Why is he on CoT's floor is anyone's guess but he sees the cat and that's pretty much that. He can hear An bitching about the animal so he's just going to amble over with a grin since he's already been called over.

"Even better idea. I'll take the fleabag off your hands." Oh yes. Xanxus is here to steal your pussy, Artolo.

"Slayer is a perfect name for this little one. May death fall upon any fish, mice, or small fowl that cross it's path." Tamara muses almost purring back at the kitty.

An is really gonna catch hell, she's already fallen for the creature.

Clearly, Sora is not pleased with An's argument, as he's now started to frown. "Right! And even if it was, dirty animals can be cleaned and deserve to be clean and happy and safe just as much as anyone else. Animals like cats and dogs shouldn't have to live on the street without a loving home to come back to. What do you want him to do, put it back there? Have you ever tried living on the street?"

He crosses his arms over his chest now, bag of french fries still in his hand.

Edited 2016-01-13 11:43 (UTC)

An looks like she is two seconds away from straight up facepalming, and it is only through incredible goth poise that she doesn't. "I'm not saying put it out on the street," she says with strained patience. "It just is not coming in here."

Turning to face Sora slightly better, Artolo says with venomous politeness, "An is kind of a huge witch." The response is a prompt smack to the percussionist's head by his manager, and he hisses. "Shit!"

"Works for me."

Oh, Tooru loves this. Because An is going to throw a bitch fit about it and he can't fucking wait.

"Let's go buy her some food. Only the best for Slayer of a Thousand Fish."

Everyone in this group knows An is going to blow a gasket. That absolutely doesn't stop Artolo from pushing himself up with a grin, adjusting the cat so it's half slung across his shoulder. The purring doesn't stop.

"Hell yes. Who wants to google what the best cat food is?"

Okay, no, that's exactly not what he wanted, and for a moment Artolo makes an offended noise and pulls back while holding the cat closer. This leaves An free to snag the initiative.

"Good. Thank you, keep it forever."

"An, you bitch-!"

And that's when An slams the door in his face.

Another offended noise, and Artolo narrows his eyes at Xanxus. "Slayer of a Thousand Fish is mine, boozeslut."

It's really amazing how much the group hates An Xie. Even someone as nonviolent as Tooru has murderous fantasies about her.

"I hear that Blue Buffolo's pretty good. But the people at the pet store would know best."

With arms still crossed, Sora shakes his head. He also gives a yell of "Hey!" at An for her smacking his.. friend(??), at the exact same time Artolo curses.

He scoffs and agrees with Artolo, "Yeah, I can see that," before continuing to argue futilely with An. "Why can't he just keep it in his room?"

Aw yeah. One cat now firmly in his arms. He's actually pretty happy about that. He's even smiling a little and already giving it little scritches. He's totally just going to walk away with the cat but stops at the name...both of them.

"Fuck you, whore. He's mine now and his name is Fuzzbutt Ulysses Caesar Kat." Yes...the cat's initials spell fuck. What do you expect. "Isn't that right, Caesar." More importantly, this is probably the very first time in well, ever, that Xanxus is smiling and almost acting human.

"Why?" An makes a show of being offended, her fingertips pressing over her heart like she's in danger of an attack. "Do you even know what image Crown of Thorns has to uphold?"

The resulting exasperated sigh from Artolo says he's been through this song and dance before. "Stupid goddamn gothic black," he mutters. "What does it have against color?"

"Hell no." He's not going down without a fight here. Not that he has any thoughts he could win a fight, but then again, he doesn't plan on fighting 'fair'.

...Or, more accurately, 'normal', because his first order of business is to go over and try to attach himself to one of Xanxus' legs. "Either you give me back Slayer or you adopt me too, you cow-fucked milk snorter. I swear to god I will find ways to break into your goddamn penthouse."

Sora gives a look of sympathy to Artolo, then shakes his head. "You can keep lint rollers and stuff. A living thing is more important than clothes." Except, apparently, not to An.

He's losing patience for this argument and gives in to the desire to pet said living thing that Artolo is holding. This instantly brings him back into smiley mode.

Oh shit. Artolo's eyes start to widen right around the same time that An's entire everything seems to puff up like the world's most offended owl. No time for talking- Art just reaches out with his one free hand to grab Sora and bolt "Bye An, I'm running away forever to join a boyband!" he yells over his shoulder, ignoring the aggravated shout she sends at his and Sora's and the cat's back.

The guy is hugging he leg. Artolo is hugging his leg like he's five and in the grocery store and wants that candy. But it's not candy, it's a cat. Because it's a cat, Xanxus doesn't want to give it back. For some reason he finds he just really likes the way the animal purrs when he gives it scritches.

"Unless you can meow and poop in a litter box, no way. And you can break in all you want. Luci has a stool and she's not afraid to use it. Now, your manager gave me this cat. So this cat is mine. Find yourself another one."

Though lord knows if HIS manager would let him keep it. She doesn't seem to be the cat loving sort. "He's cute and obviously happy with me." Though honestly, the cat would probably love anyone who gave it attention, the furry little whore.

Cats are notorious furry little whores. It's kind of amazing. But then, that doesn't seem to bother Artolo, considering he's still clinging like a jackass to Xanxus' leg.

"Meow, I'm going to shit on your pillow, raccoon humper."

It is kind of amazing. He never thought he'd like cats, but here he is. He remembers being little and trying to smuggle stray cats into the Fortress. Well, this time, he's not smuggling shit. Caesar was giving to him fair and square.

"Man, I didn't know you were into that kind of kinky shit." He's totally trying to walk to the elevator. With Artolo around his leg, it's sort of step, draaaaaaag, step, draaaaaaaaaaag.

Sora makes an undignified noise as he's yanked along by Artolo, tripping over his feet briefly before he's running to keep up. He gives a very quick glance back at An before she disappears from view. "Geez! What a hag! What was her deal?"

It's slow going but, hey, still going. Artolo is determined to stick here for as long as it takes. Hope the other Carnies don't give a shit about Xanxus' new leg decor.

Especially leg decor that sniggers. "You think that's kinky, you don't know shit yet, man. Get your buckets, I'll fuckin' show you kinky." Which is, when he thinks about it, kind of a weird thing to say, but he's not really thinking on it too hard. Buckets, sure, whatever.

"She's a fashion freak is her deal," Artolo snorts, slowing down once he's sure the penthouse is out of sight and An won't hunt them down. Whenever he returns to the penthouse, sure, she'll probably throw him out a window, but until then, this is fine. "You should see us when we're about to perform or make an appearance or anything. It takes her literal hours to dress us up in a way she's satisfied with."

They're the Carnies. They'll probably make some great new punk song about leg humping and pussy stealing or something like that out of this. It'll be a hit. Sort of like Sphincter Necklace had been.

"Sounds like a challenge. Don't care though. Caesar is mine now. He wants to come live with me." He's made it to the elevator and presses the button. As he does, the cat sort of meows at them both. Basically declaring himself hungry and both of them as idiots.

Once Artolo has slowed, so does Sora, and he relaxes awfully quickly too, simply folding his arms behind his head as they continue walking. "Man, I bet that gets boring quick. Like we've got stylists and stuff but I'm pretty sure none of them would pick clothes over a living thing, you know? Hey, speaking of, does your cat have a name?"

"It is mind breakingly boring," Artolo groans, readjusting his cat. "You have no idea. I should have made sure I got signed up with a punk band or something. Hoodies and sneakers, be done with it." But enough of his complaining. The inquiry about the cat's name makes him grin.

"Slayer of a Thousand Fish."

"His name is Slayer, you pussy hoarder." This guy hasn't even given him nearly enough booze or drugs for this to be acceptable, and Art starts to gnaw on the back of his thigh in protest. It's not really effective.

The meowing gets him to stop for a moment. "Do you even have anything to feed him, you semen snorter!? Cats can't have booze!"

"It's Ceaser, you leghumper." Well, leg chewer. He has a lot of leg to chew on too. Hopefully Artolo likes the taste of leather. Because he's getting a lot of that while Xanxus presses the button and cuddles the cat. That's right. Full out and out unmanly cuddling. It's pretty gross really.

"I know that. I'm not stupid. I want to keep him, not kill him. I'd never hurt a cat, dumb ass. They're wonderful animals. The best. So I'm going to give him the best meat. Slices of steak and hamburger and chicken. Even fish. I'll get you nice and fat, won't I, Caeser?" And now he's sort of cooing at the kitty. Really. How the mighty fall around felines.

This whole situation is gross and dumb. Artolo, as primary contributer, is in no place to point it out.

"Slayer!" is the immediate snap from around a mouthful of leather, because Artolo isn't letting this lay until he's laid down in a fucking casket. "Better feed me too, litter licker, or else I'll steal food off your table."

Super gross. That cat is probably embarrassed to be around either of them. If it wasn't for getting cuddles and scritches and the promise of food, that cat would probably be out of there and with normal sane people.

"Caesar. And fuck you, I'm not feeding your ass. You're not my band and you're not cute enough." Mostly because yeah. Xanxus is the one that cooks the most for the Carnies. "Unless you want fucking Meow Mix. I'll feed the hell out of you then. Give you a little cat bowl next to Caesar's and everything."

"Slayer!" Another bite. The leather still isn't giving way. Still, maybe if he just... keeps at it, something will give. Right? It's still clothing in the end. It's not like it's medieval armor.

"And go to hell, it's not like you have a choice. I told you I'll steal your shit. Just like any proper cat."

Yeah. Eventually Artolo will gnaw through the leather and find a calf. A nice scarred one.But he'll probably be dragging them out of the elevator and towards his penthouse by then.

"Well, good thing I don't have anything valuable then. But only Caesar gets to sleep in the bed. Your lame ass has to stay on the floor."

If that's meant to be some sort of discouragement, it's not going to work. Artolo has many a time been too drunk or stoned to bother making it to his own bed.

"Give me a pillow while I'm down there with all your fucking used needles, then."

Sounds like the story of his life. He spends half his time in Chez Carnie on the couch. But whatever, because Artolo is nearly through the leather and all.

"Hey, you piece of shit, I'm better than that. I don't just leave used needles lying around. I don't want Yuffie to get hurt or anything." Because he does care for his band. His bad and the purring kitty is his arms.

What sentimentality. Not that it's stopping Artolo from starting to pull back in his attempts to open up a hole. Almost got it, now.

"So you're saying your floor is a fucking bastion of cleanliness, huh?"

Yeah. He's just all about caring and giving a shit, so long as it's about his people. Anyone else can just fuck off. Artolo can too. Right after he pays for those pants he's just about gnawed through. A few more chews and he'll get a nice section of scarred lower leg.

"Hell no. Just that I don't leave drug shit lying around. There's still cloths and shit. Cats like that though. Laying all over cloths. Caeser can have all sorts of great nests." And step drag step drag all the way to the Carnie door.

The cat is sort of getting bored though. Because cats do what they do.

Yeah, he can hear the meows from down by Xanxus' ankle.

"Oh great, me and Slayer can make a fort out of all your crap, then." Flesh reached! Mature adult that he continues to be, Artolo lets the leather flap down and digs his teeth into Xanxus' leg.

Ssshhh, no words. Only gnawing. And meowing.

Holy fuck, that fucker has some sharp little teeth! He has to put the damn cat down in order to punch Artolo on top of the head. "Stop that! You make me bleed and I'll take it out of your flea ridden hide!"

Of course letting the cat go was a terrible idea, because Caesar/Slayer gives them both a nice view of his kitty ass and bounds off to find someone that'll feed him that isn't morons.

"Ow, fuck you-" He jerks back at the hit, baring his teeth again, but really, what was he expecting? This exactly, he guesses. Threats of physical violence against his person, however, are a far lower priority than seeing Caesar/Slayer bound off and he untangles from Xanxus' leg.

"Shit!"

Shit is right. The cat has escaped from his clutches. He can either go after it or let it go. Xanxus chooses to let it go. He figures the cat will be back when it wants him again.

"Well, go after him if you want." He goes to open his door to go in. He's got to get new pants on. Non gnawed on pants.

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2 ♊ Meow meow meow meow

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