interstellar5555 | 2 ♊ Meow meow meow meow

Who: Artolo Apemis, an annoyed manager, and anyone in the vicinity
What: Oh look, it's the witch and his familiar
When: January 10th
Where: Outside Pride Records, and outside CoT's penthouse
Warnings: Artolo's mouth

A - Outside Pride Records

If anyone listens to certain sources, then Artolo Apemis is apparently some sort of witch gathering a hoard of cat familiar.

"Cat! I'm a kitty cat. And I dance dance dance~."

...It's kind of true.

Sure enough, Artolo can be found outside Pride Records not too far away with a fluffmonster of a white cat in his hands as he crouches down by a wall. The relaxed animal seems strangely okay with being manhandled like it is, its back between Artolo's legs and its paws being manipulated in a dance.

It's his way of coping. Well, not his preferred way. His preferred way involves not being sober in any capacity. However, he's been bad enough at it all that even An is starting to narrow her eyes at him. So he takes a break from it... by messing about with his favorite animal that's been lurking around. It makes him feel relaxed.

Besides, when the cat lolls its head back to look at him and stares up at him with those green eyes...

A sharp toothed grin, yellow-green eyes sparkling at him, gray skin, it's all so surreal, but there's just fond exasperation as he tells her "Stick an imperial pail up my nook, Dii, we seriously can't, put it back"-

It feels familiar for some reason.

Artolo grins down at the cat as it finally bats down at the jack-of-club pendant swinging from his neck.

Maybe he'll name it Diedre.

"Ha ha, I should name you Semen Candy."

B - Outside CoT Penthouse, later

"What the cock do you mean I can't keep the cat inside!?"

Not that Artolo is particularly surprised about this result. That doesn't keep him from having a showdown with his manager An right outside the penthouse, her barring the way inside all lace and black. Her finely done up lips are screwed up in a frown as she glares down at the ball of fluff that Artolos is holding in his hands.

"I said what I meant, Artolo. That animal is filthy- who knows where it's been? And all that white for your outfits? I might faint at the very idea this wretched little beast might tear them to shreds. No. It's out of the question. No pets in the penthouse."

Making a frustrated noise, Artolo's head swivels back and forth until landing on the nearest person- most likely just passing by but oh boy guess what they're getting dragged into now as he points at them?

"Hey! You! C'mere, and help me argue against this control freak!"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"It's Ceaser, you leghumper." Well, leg chewer. He has a lot of leg to chew on too. Hopefully Artolo likes the taste of leather. Because he's getting a lot of that while Xanxus presses the button and cuddles the cat. That's right. Full out and out unmanly cuddling. It's pretty gross really.

"I know that. I'm not stupid. I want to keep him, not kill him. I'd never hurt a cat, dumb ass. They're wonderful animals. The best. So I'm going to give him the best meat. Slices of steak and hamburger and chicken. Even fish. I'll get you nice and fat, won't I, Caeser?" And now he's sort of cooing at the kitty. Really. How the mighty fall around felines.

This whole situation is gross and dumb. Artolo, as primary contributer, is in no place to point it out.

"Slayer!" is the immediate snap from around a mouthful of leather, because Artolo isn't letting this lay until he's laid down in a fucking casket. "Better feed me too, litter licker, or else I'll steal food off your table."

Super gross. That cat is probably embarrassed to be around either of them. If it wasn't for getting cuddles and scritches and the promise of food, that cat would probably be out of there and with normal sane people.

"Caesar. And fuck you, I'm not feeding your ass. You're not my band and you're not cute enough." Mostly because yeah. Xanxus is the one that cooks the most for the Carnies. "Unless you want fucking Meow Mix. I'll feed the hell out of you then. Give you a little cat bowl next to Caesar's and everything."

"Slayer!" Another bite. The leather still isn't giving way. Still, maybe if he just... keeps at it, something will give. Right? It's still clothing in the end. It's not like it's medieval armor.

"And go to hell, it's not like you have a choice. I told you I'll steal your shit. Just like any proper cat."

Yeah. Eventually Artolo will gnaw through the leather and find a calf. A nice scarred one.But he'll probably be dragging them out of the elevator and towards his penthouse by then.

"Well, good thing I don't have anything valuable then. But only Caesar gets to sleep in the bed. Your lame ass has to stay on the floor."

If that's meant to be some sort of discouragement, it's not going to work. Artolo has many a time been too drunk or stoned to bother making it to his own bed.

"Give me a pillow while I'm down there with all your fucking used needles, then."

Sounds like the story of his life. He spends half his time in Chez Carnie on the couch. But whatever, because Artolo is nearly through the leather and all.

"Hey, you piece of shit, I'm better than that. I don't just leave used needles lying around. I don't want Yuffie to get hurt or anything." Because he does care for his band. His bad and the purring kitty is his arms.

What sentimentality. Not that it's stopping Artolo from starting to pull back in his attempts to open up a hole. Almost got it, now.

"So you're saying your floor is a fucking bastion of cleanliness, huh?"

Yeah. He's just all about caring and giving a shit, so long as it's about his people. Anyone else can just fuck off. Artolo can too. Right after he pays for those pants he's just about gnawed through. A few more chews and he'll get a nice section of scarred lower leg.

"Hell no. Just that I don't leave drug shit lying around. There's still cloths and shit. Cats like that though. Laying all over cloths. Caeser can have all sorts of great nests." And step drag step drag all the way to the Carnie door.

The cat is sort of getting bored though. Because cats do what they do.

Yeah, he can hear the meows from down by Xanxus' ankle.

"Oh great, me and Slayer can make a fort out of all your crap, then." Flesh reached! Mature adult that he continues to be, Artolo lets the leather flap down and digs his teeth into Xanxus' leg.

Ssshhh, no words. Only gnawing. And meowing.

Holy fuck, that fucker has some sharp little teeth! He has to put the damn cat down in order to punch Artolo on top of the head. "Stop that! You make me bleed and I'll take it out of your flea ridden hide!"

Of course letting the cat go was a terrible idea, because Caesar/Slayer gives them both a nice view of his kitty ass and bounds off to find someone that'll feed him that isn't morons.

"Ow, fuck you-" He jerks back at the hit, baring his teeth again, but really, what was he expecting? This exactly, he guesses. Threats of physical violence against his person, however, are a far lower priority than seeing Caesar/Slayer bound off and he untangles from Xanxus' leg.

"Shit!"

Shit is right. The cat has escaped from his clutches. He can either go after it or let it go. Xanxus chooses to let it go. He figures the cat will be back when it wants him again.

"Well, go after him if you want." He goes to open his door to go in. He's got to get new pants on. Non gnawed on pants.

2 ♊ Meow meow meow meow

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