interstellar5555 | Fate meant it to be [closed]

Entry tags:

demyx,
roxas

Fate meant it to be [closed]

Who: Demyx and Roxas
What: Two musicians with a past all too familiar meet up at a musical equipment store looking for different things (to buy), but looking for similar things (reason)
When: Mid April
Where: Best band equipment selling store that also has an ice cream shop next to it
Warnings: At best vulgar. Other than that, TBA

With all the memories that have come rushing towards him in his extended period of sleep, Roxas has been left a little off his balance here. There has been way too much that has populated his mind of what was, what would have been, what should have been.. and everything about where he is now disagrees with that, upsetting this supposed balance he thought he had.

So, to cope with it in a way that doesn't involve serious self-destruction, he'll be at the most popular store available that sells band equipment and is closest to an ice cream shop. If anyone asks, he's looking for anything to accentuate the sound that drums have to offer. But really he's just looking for a distraction. All this is too much to take. Where is ---- when Roxas needs him?...

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"It has to be mine." He repeated, in something akin to a daze and his arms tightened a bit as he rested his chin on them, ice cream long forgotten. "Has to be..."

If it was his...

His brow furrowed. "No one can take it from me again then." Demyx said firmly, protectively. As shaken as he was, thrown and out of his element, he still wanted a heart. How could one choose to live without one?

Like any time he sort of understands a situation, but not entirely enough, his eyebrows raise to a point where he's concerned, but not visibly surprised. "Y-yeah.. that. Don't worry about someone taking it away from you, though; no one like that is here anymore. This is your life to live. You can do what you want with it."

To an extent, he wants to add, considering their circumstances with the managers and all.. but he leaves that out for now, for the sake of the other here.

"I want to keep it. I've been dying to get it back to me, I-he promised." Demyx said fiercely, as though Roxas needed to understand his reasons. "He promised. He said he'd give it back to me and he hasn't."

Someone else did though, someone he wasn't sure of, for all the wrong reasons.

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I was free?" Demyx asked him softly. "I can't even begin to guess what I should be doing. Although I guess right now it's Flashstep." He wasn't afraid of those people. They had nothing on their Superior.

Considering what they've been through, nothing has anything on what their 'Superior' did to them, tricked them into believing, shaped and molded their lives into. "Look.. forget him, okay? When you can do that, you'll finally be free." Like when he was the moment he left, after Saix, after Axel, everything included.. that moment was his own. It wasn't Xemnas, it wasn't even his Somebody, it was his to own. And he did own it. That was the one time, of the few anyway, that he made his own decision for himself.

And, as destructive as it was towards his future, it felt great.

"No matter how long it's been, when you're able to be on your own without.. it feels pretty damn good. Trust me, I know. I don't know what version of that story you've been told, but, it was good while it lasted. And I wouldn't go back on it, ever."

Demyx swallowed a moment, just staring at him wide-eyed. He didn't know how to forget him and he doubted he could. He knew what Roxas meant though. He needed him to cast the Organization aside and embrace whatever happened after that.

Destructive towards his future indeed.

"Won't they come after me though?" He asked softly. "I mean...I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what freedom is anymore. I don't remember it."

It was supposed to feel good? "I feel more like my stomach is full of butterflies."

That's something he had the first few times he thought about this and even went about it. But after that, when he actually did it, the feeling inside of him was so damn liberating all of that other nonsense washed away.

"No.. even if they do, you'll be ready. Trust me." If that means Roxas has to be at his side to fight them off, so be it. Screw the Organization. Forget all that they had stood for. Everything they knew then was false, their ultimate atonement even a faux. What a joke.

"At first, sure. But you'll get used to it, and that's probably because you're used to the opposite. But that isn't normal. This is. It'll be fine."

Thinking back on his own time breaking away from this train of thought.. Roxas wishes that he had someone to learn from, lean on, ask about this kind of thing at least. He did it all on his own, without any help or guidance from anyone, and, somehow, made it out on the other side. With a few dents in the side, sure, but still, he's here, isn't he?

"It probably won't be easy but.. it's definitely worth it."

Roxas was strong, to break away so thoroughly. He had courage that Demyx just did not have. He stared at him with a strange, thoughtful expression. Calculating, almost.

Demyx was just trying to figure out if he could do such a thing. It would be a difficult thing to manage. He was having a hard time picturing it. The idea that he'd forever be on the run if he did manage to escape the current situation. He saw that as temporary, his true chains were to his Superior in The World That Never Was.

"What, um, what are you planning on doing?" He asked, a little tongue tied.

He nodded a little bit. "I am used to the opposite. I know it's not normal. I forget normal though." He grimaced.

Demyx looked at Roxas like that now, quiet deference on the subject matter. Their ranks didn't make a difference, Roxas knew something he didn't.

If there was something Roxas knew that Demyx didn't, it was that sense of being able to break free entirely of bonds that supposedly determined his fate. Roxas has the advantage of having fewer years in this servitude, if one can even call it that, to be able to easily break free from it, but for others, who's to say?

"Well.. honestly, I was just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I kind of like playing drums. My manager is a little scary and crazy," that's watering it down, "but I really like what I do, and if anything I couldn't imagine myself doing anything but.. so, I'm going to stick with it until something or someone pulls me into a direction that says I shouldn't."

Which is how Demyx should live his life. But Roxas can't rain that revelation on him by himself.

Demyx had been with them a long time, Xemnas had had years and years to get his hooks into him and dig deeper with each passing day. The idea of so much freedom was a little daunting.

"I never saw myself singing and dancing. I always thought if I was every going to perform, it would be on Apreggio." He swallowed. "I really do love performing for a crowd though. Is my voice really any good? I never thought it was."

He didn't know which way to send his life, but what he did know was that Roxas couldn't tell him.

Even if Roxas couldn't tell him, he'd try. Because his friends did the same for him. It may have not meant a difference then and there, but in the long run it certainly did.

"That's what you should do! Honestly, everything about you, from your voice to your performance to what you can do on the instrument you're playing is pretty good. You should share that talent with other people. They'll appreciate it. It'll only be a matter of time before you get your instrument back. When you do.. oh man, the world better look out!"

He isn't even saying this in a joking matter.. not that Roxas would, because that isn't in him. But he really believes this, seeing and hearing firsthand what Demyx can and does do.

He was surprised to say the least at the compliment. It was a true compliment from someone who actually knew him, actually knew his talents and he was dumbstruck. He blushed darkly.

"I-I..." He stammered a bit and smiled. "Thank you Roxas. I um, yeah, I could do that. Share my talents with this world."

He can't recall the last time anyone complimented him. Most of his peers found his sitar playing annoying and inconvenient, or as Saix put it, useless.

That group of people, or whatever, didn't appreciate anything outside the very boring mold of plain. "I think it'll work out."

Sigh. He wishes that he could feel the same about his own path, but he'll figure it out eventually. "What else you got planned for the day, anyway?" Other than looking at instruments and equipment, then ice cream, Roxas was hoping to get some practice time with him and his. They kind of need it with the big change in lineup.

That was true. The Nobodies weren't big on things that were different or individual at all. That had always been a huge trial for Demyx. If nothing else, he was an individual.

"I don't remember. It didn't seem important after I remembered." He smiled a little weakly, rubbing his forehead.

"None of it seems important."

In the grand scheme of things, maybe nothing does. But they have nothing else other than what's available to them at the moment. That's why, "I have to practice with the band later. We have some new members, you know how that goes." It hasn't been easy.

"We can hang around wherever until then if you want?"

"I don't know what it's like to get new members, I just know what it's like to be the new guy. That sucks." Demyx exhaled. "I mean, they don't even want me there."

Because of his heart, he could feel just how lonely that was. "Then again, the Organization doesn't want me around either."

He frowned, because he sensed that was true. He sensed the mission he'd been on was designed for failure.

"You want to?"

Being the new guy does suck. And Roxas did a splendid job pissing off at least half of his band at the time when he was in that position. Advice on how to handle that will not be best given from him.

"I don't know about the band, there's no way you did as bad as I did when I first showed up. I think I set a record on that."

Hm.. what could they do before practice, anyway? "Sure! You want to see the Virgo tower, where I live? Our rooms there are so much better than that black and white and gray, boring setting we had."

At least Demyx hadn't pissed them off that he knew of, he just felt like an outcast.

"What did you do?" His eyes sparked with interest and he smiled, curious.

He nodded in agreement. "I'd like to see it, yeah. I haven't been there!"

This is embarrassing. "When I first moved in I was kind of excited to have my own space and do whatever I wanted with it. Unlike that boring black and white slab we had back at the Organization, I put all kinds of stuff up in my room. Whatever I wanted, you know?" These things are still up on his walls, actually.

"I definitely left a mess though. It trailed out into the halls and pissed off a few others living with me. They complained, I didn't listen, they complained more, I couldn't have cared less.. now they're gone."

Story of his life, people coming and then going. They probably didn't leave just because of the piles of stuff he left around, but it sure didn't help make for setting a great starting point in what was their relationship with him. "That's in the past though. Let's get out of here, I'll show you what it looks like now. There isn't a mess this time, either."

He learned from before. That and it got tiring to constantly climb up and over a pile of whatever just to get in and out of his room.

He got up, nodding in agreement with Roxas since they could talk as they walked as well as anything else they were doing. It was less likely to get overheard in any detail that way too.

"You...didn't remember, right? Like me?" Demyx asked, hesitating as though he might be wrong about that.

"What did you think happened? I'm trying to remember now what I thought and I just remember that in this...life, I guess, I didn't have anything either. I haven't felt like I should get it. At any minute it could all be torn away I mean."

He swallowed. "Nobodies don't leave anything behind, right?"

That's a loaded question. At first, like any other arrival, he believed what was built into him to believe. Now, though, that's not the case. "In the beginning I didn't. But then things happened, and now I do. Learning about it wasn't easy. It wasn't much different than Twilight Town."

Which pains the most, honestly. Being kidnapped, brainwashed and betrayed several times in one short lifetime is a bit much. He should be angrier, but all of that was spent the first time around. Now he's more cool and calculated about it, instead of lashing out trying to figure out what to do next.

"I really don't know. Whatever happened, it brought us here. At least we know better." The thought of having all they know taken away from them as easily as it was given is very real and very frightening. "It's possible it could all go away.. but why let that stop you from making the best of it?"

Even though his friends in that simulation were fake, the ones he thought and hoped he had, the feelings were real and the bond was something true. "I guess we make up our own minds about what we do now, where we go and what, if anything, we leave behind. I like it that way better."

He understood it wasn't easy. He'd just had a crash course in 'not easy'. "Twilight...Town?" Demyx asked, confused by that. What was remarkable about that place? It was just a different world, wasn't it? He wasn't privvy to Roxas' fate, it wasn't information he needed to know, in Saix's opinion.

"I-do you even know how terrifying this all is to me?" Demyx asked him softly. "Do you know how long it's been since I had so much freedom? I don't know how to deal with it." Everything he could think of was incredibly unhealthy.

"We aren't ever to make friends, to get to know people. Humans, with hearts, they're not for us. They'd hate us if they knew." The words murmured low under his breath, but loud enough for Roxas to hear him was a mantra. A familiar mantra. It had been drilled into his head.

"Nobodies aren't meant to be, they're nothing and leave nothing behind." He grimaced.

"Do you know I always hated that?"

Oh yeah.. that was something that was only a Roxas problem. Realizing this he'll hand-wave it for now, dismissing it as a topic that doesn't need delving into.

Hearing that phrase repeated to him took him back to the days of having to listen to one of the leader's awful speeches that ultimately chipped away at anything good inside, effectively turning them into drones. "I guess I don't follow that so much because I wasn't there long enough. And even then, it wasn't the same for me."

Apparently, according to various sources, he isn't like the other Nobodies. Not knowing made it difficult, and then knowing made it even more difficult to deal with. It was never easy. It never is. "Forget that stuff. It doesn't apply here." Hell, it didn't even apply when they were back at their boring black-and-white home.

"You hated it because it wasn't right. We're free of that now, as we're meant to be. The time I had here before I remembered," though spent shamelessly indulging in as many sins as a person his age could and would, "let me know what it's like to feel that again. After that, I didn't want to go back. It's not a habit that's easy to break, I'm sure, but this gives you an opportunity to start?"

"I...guess it wasn't." Demyx nodded a bit. "I mean, you got all kinds of missions that would have taken us forever to get. The missions I was doing by the time you joined weren't the kind I did when I started."

He rubbed his forehead. "I'll try to forget it but it's hard. Hard to see it. I mean, breaking the rules is just-" He'd tried, he'd broken them before when he was smaller.

"You don't want to go back?" Demyx asked, tilting his head. "Feeling freedom I don't know how to do it. I don't remember what it's supposed to be like."

After what happened to him when he broke the rules by leaving, it would be lying to say that didn't have serious consequences. The mentality behind it compounded with what was probably years of enduring is probably what makes it more difficult for Demyx to just 'get over' like Roxas is suggesting. When Demyx asks about going back, the answer is a vehement "-heck no. I would fight to keep that from happening." He has before.

They're almost at the building, just a few more streets. "It's nice to be able to do whatever you want. But sometimes," and he's half joking here, "You kind of need some.. rules, you know? Otherwise things get too crazy. But having too much of that, and it'll be just like back at the Organization." Having a happy medium would be best, but it's definitely not a reality here.

Here's a thought. "Do you remember ever doing just what you want to do?"

"I know if I can stop it from happening though." He said a little nervously, fidgeting with his shirt hem. His clothes felt weird now, they hadn't before.

Demyx ran a hand through his hair. "I don't. Not really. Before I was a Nobody, I was a kid. I did what my parents wanted me to do. I think. As far as I can remember."

He nodded slightly. "I am kinda feeling lost right now without it. I keep thinking Saix is gonna come after me."

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