interstellar5555 | the hope of morning

Entry tags:

the hope of morning

Who: Tiger, Pinkie, and Kido. Maybe others??
What: Tiger is scared and sad on Halloween night and so he sneaks into other people's rooms.
When: Morning of the 1st.
Where: Around the System Crash penthouse.
Warnings: Maybe discussion of child abuse but idk.

If it was even possible, Tiger gets more reclusive and emotionally frayed after his apparent exploits downtown. Jin doesn't go into details, but she comes back mad, and implies that he's run off into down in the middle of a press event. From the way that Tiger has been acting, it seems pretty likely he didn't really want to come back.

Trying to talk to him about it has been impossible recently - trying to talk to him in general has been impossible. Whatever spiral Tiger has gotten himself onto seems like it's only getting worse and worse.

Tiger is trying and failing to sleep for the 8th hour in a row when he starts having those weird thoughts again. It's impossible to describe, just like one moment life is one way, and the next, it's different. Dozing listlessly, he remembers the sound of thunder.

He was younger, then. By five years, at least. He remembers shivering in the back of a van, spooked by the sounds outside, and only composing himself as well as he is due to the presence of his dad next to him. He remembers him explaining why rain falls and why thunder cracks, and how in understanding something that scares you, you can find peace.

Before the absurdity of that idea can even set in, another flash of memory comes back to him, of staring out of that same van's window at a dark and sickly green sky. Something is chasing them, he thinks. But he is finding reasons to not be afraid.

Maybe when Peridot gets to Earth, she'll see how nice all the people are...and she won't wanna hurt anyone.

Just like his mother, he tells him.

Realizing it isn't real causes his entire body to seize. No nightmare could make him feel worse than he does right then, as that feeling of warmth and pride drains away from him. He starts crying right then and there, and just wishes that this would stop - that he could be sane again, like he was before. He's rather be angry than sad.

When he can't stand the silence anymore (or imagining the rain) he steps out into the hall for the first time in a while. When he arrives, he arrives completely unannounced.

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"Because I think I'm remembering things, too."

She doesn't know if it's better that he's in the same boat as her, or worse. But it would mean neither of them are alone.

That gives Tiger pause. He considers it silently for a few moments, before very hesitantly asking, "...Like what?"

She's not going to tell him about the burning woman... So she has to think a little bit in a way to explain.

"A woman I've never met, in a house I've never been in. She's trying to save me. And I'm trying to save her."

"Oh," he says, softly. He's quiet for a little while in turn. It's hard to know what to say. "This is weird."

"I don't think you're stupid. And I don't think we're crazy, Tiger." She may have never sounded so sincere. "But I think something's going on. Ever since the party, things are... feeling weird."

He looks at her for a few moments, and then his gaze drops. He feels resistant to that idea, and he doesn't really know why. It explains everything, doesn't it? Why he feels like this? Why he keeps discovering these memories...

But acknowledging it makes it feel like he must be doing something wrong, like he's breaking some kind of rule.

"Why us...?" he mumbles, closing his eyes. He wishes it would just stop.

She always feels like she's doing something wrong. It thrills her. But now it just sinks like a dread to the bottom of her stomach.

"I don't think it's just us..." She shakes her head. "But I think we need to be careful."

Well, that feeling of dread is certainly spreading now. His voice becomes quieter - more obviously frightened.

"What...why?"

Wait, shit, wait shit--backtrack, Kido, backtrack. She didn't mean to scare him. She scrubs her hair, frustrated with herself, and drops her head to her knees for a second.

"Because I don't trust anybody." She's talking into her lap. Then she turns her head to look at him. "Except you guys."

He pauses for a moment, considering that. He loosens up a little. Yeah...he can't blame her, he guesses.

"I know what you mean," he says. "We've...We've kind of seen what the rest of Pride is like, huh?"

"I really was trying to find you." There's an apology in her tone. She's felt guilty about it ever since he reacted. Guilty because in the face of a fire she only remembers from that night, she doesn't think she could've coped with Tiger or Trucy dying if she'd done nothing to help.

"I thought I'd have the time to find you. I would've never left you there if I knew there wasn't going to be a chance to find you after."

He looks away. He doesn't really know how to react to that. Part of him wants to say that, if she really cared about him that much, why would she take the chance? But it seems so dumb.

Everything about it just makes him feel horrible. He hasn't even really told people any of the details.

"I don't really get why I'm not actually dead."

"They must've pulled you out. I don't get it, either... But I'm glad you're not." She's really, really glad he's not.

He'd been so scared. He's still so scared, thinking about it. How close it had been. How, if they hadn't decided to no kill him for whatever reason, he could have just - he shudders, his heart speeding up in his chest.

He thinks about being underwater and pushing against the bars to no avail. He thinks about a void full of lights and a cold that could freeze his tears. He can't stand it.

His breath comes out in an unsteady gasp, and he presses his face into his hands.

Kido takes him by his shoulders, not hesitating this time. "Hey. Hey. Look at me. You're okay now. They're not coming back.

"You're in my room and I'm not letting anyone near you here, okay?"

It takes him a while to calm down, the panic spreading through him and then fading. When it's over he feels totally pathetic. They don't know they're not coming back. They don't know anything.

"Okay," he chokes out, but he doesn't sound convinced. Why does nothing they do matter?

All Kido knows is that if another band wants to mess with her friends, she is going to go out kicking and screaming this time. No more sleeping through it.

No more dreams about the only people who really matter in her life burning.

"They snuck up on us once. It's not gonna happen again. We know better now."

He falls quiet again for a little while, willing himself to calm down. He curls his arms around himself, staring down into space.

"...Are you guys doing that mix CD thing?"

He'd sort of already declared he wasn't participating, but he doesn't doubt that they'd do it without him.

"I'm thinking about it. I'd rather just punch them in the face, but I want them to know they can't shit talk my band." She shakes her head.

"They didn't sh- shit talk you," he says, a few moments later. It's true, they hadn't. Somehow Kido keeps getting rave reviews at everyone else's expense. Both during the hazing, and in those stupid magazines.

"Don't curse." Kido oh my god.

"I know they didn't. But you guys are my family. They hurt you, then they insulted you. And that means they insulted me, too." She sighs. "Jesus, Tiger. If you guys hadn't found me, I'd still be on the side of the road somewhere. When it comes to music, there isn't a Tsubomi. Just System Crash."

It would be pretty Tiger to have him snap back that he can say what he wants, but something about that scolding actually makes him feel bad. He's never liked cursing, even if he doesn't know why...it would seem consistent, that someone like him would curse all they wanted, but he just...it doesn't feel right. So, instead of yelling at her, he just flushes pink.

"...You really feel that way?" he asks, more quietly. It's hard for him to believe. He's always been so self focused, it makes him feel even more like garbage. If it had come to it a couple months ago, he probably would have left to upgrade to something better, wouldn't he have?

Now that just feel so terrible.

"It's, like, 2 in the morning or something and you crawled into my bed, kid. You think I'd let anybody else do that?" She laughs a little. It's a warm laugh, sincere and affectionate.

"I wasn't kidding, back then. If you think for a second you guys aren't the most important thing, you can tell me to go. The offer's always open, and I'll leave."

He almost smiles at her, but then flushes, self conscious. He doesn't really feel like he has anything to offer in return, besides just...going away. Or not going away, if that's really what she wants so bad.

Why can't he just...why does it always feel like this? Why can't he just feel something without it tearing him up inside? He curls into a ball, closer to her, his voice growing frail.

"I'm really messed up."

"I think we all are." She's sincere about that. She's just a complete mess inside. And outside. Really, she is, and she struggles with it. With feeling like she'll never belong among her friends.

"It's okay."

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tigermillionaire - 2015-11-19 15:49 (UTC) - Expand

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