interstellar5555 | I've been beat up, I've been thrown Out

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I've been beat up, I've been thrown Out

Who: Xanxus and YOU
What: after "mysteriously disappearing" guess who's suddenly back
When: 3 December
Where: Pride HQ and around town
Warnings: sighs Xanxus should be his own warning. Mentions of violence, physical injury/torture, branding, drug use, alcohol use, swearing, will add as needed.

I - Pride HQ
They finally let him out of the damn infirmary. Honestly, he probably should have stayed there a few more days, but Xanxus being Xanxus totally ingratiated himself to the nurses by hitting on them and thus, he had been shoved out the door to stop him from harassing them more. No big deal right?

Well, it should be because he's sort of limping his way from the infirmary back to the elevator in not but a hospital gown. But he's not embarrassed at all. No. He looks damn proud of himself, like he isn't wearing more cuts and bruises and stitches than any one person should have. He might even be whistling a little as he goes.

II - Chez Carnie
Shithole sweet shithole. It's sort of nice to get back to this place that he calls home. He doesn't really expect anyone there waiting for him. No...that's not these people. He has a fragment of that memory but he still can't put a face on the owner of those arms in that memory. Besides, he's not falling through this door. He's just going to walk right in as if he hadn't been gone. He's heading straight to his room. He needs his leathers if he's ever going to feel normal again.

III. Some bar in town
Should someone as heavily injured as Xanxus even be walking to some nightclub? Does it matter? Because what does a man want with his first night of freedom after unwilling captivity? Hit the clubs of course. Chicks dig bruises and scars and he can spin a hell of a lie if he wants to. Besides, he's itching for some alcohol that isn't monitored by the label. It's a pretty good chance that he'll be found sitting rather gingerly at the bar nursing a bottle of tequila. He ignores all the questions that might come his way with a "Buy me another drink and maybe I'll tell you."

IV. Wild card
Anything else you want to do, go for it!

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Holy shit...

That's the only thing Luci registers as the scars start to spread over Xanxus' skin. At first she thinks it's blood, but it's not the same color, the spread pattern is wrong, it's not blood. It's coming from him.

She's never seen anything like it, and so it's scaring the life out of her. Was this something Predator had done to him? Or the hospital? She'd seen Xanxus angry plenty of times, and this had never happened. What was she supposed to do? Seeing the marks has taken nearly all the wind out of her sails, she can't shout when she's watching something she doesn't understand happen to Xanxus.

"They'll kill you next time," she says, her voice barely at her normal speaking level. "And then who's going to tell me that I didn't do anything wrong?

"I look like shit because I exhausted every resource I had to find you, and no one could tell me anything. I thought they might come again, yes, but the only thing I could do was wait here for you to come back-- so you could tell me this wasn't my fault either."

Luci runs her hand through her hair, nails digging at her scalp to keep herself together. She wasn't going to lose it, this isn't the time. "You're not the only one who thinks of us as family, Xanxus. For days I knew they had you, that they were torturing you, but I couldn't do anything except wait until they graced me with your presence. Is your need to hurt them so great that you have to put me and Yuffie and Fetch through that again?"

He doesn't even notice. He doesn't notice the way they spread. How obvious they are. In just that paper gown, it doesn't hide how much of his body is affected. The angrier he gets, the more they spread until he's nearly 90% scar tissue. Angry, painful looking scar tissue. Like the stories about him being burned alive on stage were indeed completely true.

He's burning now. He's hot. He's so angry he can't see straight. Or maybe that's the lingering head trauma. He knows he's bleeding again. He's popped stitches from shaking so hard in his anger.

She's not shouting but he is. "NOT IF I KILL THEM FIRST!" It comes so easily. So quickly. It's a reminder. That's right. He is a killer. He remembers that much. He's killed people. Who or how many or why he still doesn't know, but the fact still holds that he's certain he has. "Whatever the fuck they did...I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to make for damn sure they can't do it again!" After all, this is the second time he's been hit by their song.

He sways a little from the stress. His body can't take what's happening to it while he's still so injured. He's probably going into shock. That might be the only reason why he quiets. Why he stops shouting. Why he leans on her again.

"...You know it's not your fault, Luci. The things I do are never your fault. If you blamed yourself for all the crap I pull, you'd never have time for anything else. But I can't...I can't just let it go. I can't just let them win... I can't. If we stop fighting, it means they'll keep getting away with it. They'll keep right on doing that shit and they'll never be touched. Management doesn't even give a shit..." Hell, it was probably management that spread the lie that he had gone to rehab.

"Shit, Luci... You have no idea the kind of crap they did... I don't want that for Yuffie or Fetch or you." He's honestly trying to protect them...and this was the only way he knew how.

"I have eyes, I can see what they did," she says quietly, gathering Xanxus into her arms and holding him up against her. Really though, Xanxus could take a lot, physically, but whatever they did to make him afraid for the rest of them was the worst of it no doubt. Really, it's enough to make Luci afraid of what they said to him-- and she's never been afraid of them before.

"And standing here is making it worse, come on," she puts her shoulder under his and wraps her arms around his waist to help him to his room. Xanxus might insist that the things he does aren't her fault, but she's the only one who is able to get between him and what he wants and live to never speak of it. Realistically, yes, Xanxus is responsible for his own choices, what he chooses to do usually results in consequences for him and him alone. But as hard as she could try to not take responsibility... she was still the accident child. The one who took her parents away from what they really wanted to do until she was old enough to look after herself.

...she's an only child, right?

...Yeah, she is. She's the center of everything. She's the problem.

"I hear what you're saying, and I don't disagree with it. ...but at least wait until you're feeling up to taking another beating. For me?"

She might see, but there are still things she hasn't seen yet. Marks that he will need to take care of somehow. But right now he's angry and hurt and tired and...utterly shocked. Shocked because Luci is holding him. Her arms about him, helping him stay upright. He sags against her and he's certain she can feel his pulse racing in his anger and the heat pouring off of his skin from where his scars flare.

He can't argue with her. His pride wants to demand that she let go. That he can get to his room on his own, but he knows he can't. He'll probably need help with his clothing to. It's not something he's looking forward to. He almost doesn't want Luci to ever see it. The broken ribs, the sliced up skin, the burns...those are fine. But the brand... he wants to make sure he finds a way to get rid of it before she ever knows. But it doesn't look like he'll be getting that chance. So all he can do is clench his teeth and let her take him.

He's calming down though, as they make it to his room. As he calms, those marks that take up most of his body start to fade again. "I...I'll wait. I'll wait until I figure out what the hell they did. What they did to make me so fucking weak. When I find out, when I learn their secret, it's on, Lucifer. You understand me. It's going to be so fucking on and all that will be left of them will be smoke and ash."

"Yeah, fine, as long as you're not so dumb with your plan next time." Luci grouses, fishing out her phone and pulling up the camera as she helps him into the room. Xanxus might be surprised by Luci's insistence on helping him, but this is the least she can do. She'd failed to find him before she could curtail the damage, helping him into different clothes will have to do. That's the only way she'll feel alright about this whole thing.

"By the way--" She holds it up in selfie-mode so Xanxus can see his face. "They're fading, but I've been around you for a while now and this hasn't come up before. Should I be concerned?"

"I'll run the plan through committee next time. We can vote on it before I go and do it anyway." He mutters, breathing a sigh of relief when they enter his room. He's sort of looking forward to getting some actual clothing on. He wishes he could wear his leathers. Those always made him feel better, but there's just no way with how hurt he is. It's going to be loose clothing and fully dressed until the bandages and bruising go away.

He blinks though when she shows him the picture of himself. Himself and the scars. This hasn't happened before, but something tells him it's normal. There's a memory, right on the edge of recollection, about his anger bringing out the scars from his time in the ice... a time he hasn't told her or anyone else about yet.

"I...I don't think so. I....I think this is normal. Probably just scars from my accident that got brought out due to blood pressure or something..." He actually feels guilt for that and hisses a pained sigh. "Full disclosure?" He tries to move away from her to his closet because he wants just a little bit of illusion that he can do this on his own. He'll just pretend she can't see the brand, angry and red right on his tailbone (the mark of Predator). "Luci, I don't think I was burned. I think I was frozen."

"--nk I was frozen."

That's where she picks it up, because it's hard not to notice the brand on him. She knows exactly what it is, too-- Predator's logo. This goes beyond band rivalries, beyond burned out trailers and hazing, beyond management and law. It goes beyond yelling and screaming, promises of equal pain repaid or death.

Lucifer is silent, and her wheels are turning. That's potentially even worse.

"But you were. I read all about the accident, that happened, there was fire."

She's silent and he wonders why. He supposed it's because he hasn't confided in her. He knows she's probably angry at him for many many reasons. He doesn't want to add to it. But there is is. He's telling her something he's not told anyone yet. He's not told anyone...

He runs hands over his bruised and stitched up face. They're shaking a little. "I keep having nightmares though, Luci. Ever since the first time those bastards took us. I keep dreaming of ice. Ice crawling slowly up my body until I'm trapped in it. Alive but frozen in a prison of ice... And when I was with the doctors, they didn't have any medical information on me. Why? Why didn't they have information from my accident. It makes no damn sense!" Getting worked up again brings him more pain from his wounds. "Fucking hell, it hurts like a bitch Luci. And I need to get rid of it... I need to get rid of it now."

She almost doesn't know where to start with all of it. Yes, doctors having no information on him when he suffered severe burns onstage is ludicrous. But maybe a medical network error? He could have been dropped at an emergency room as a John Doe? Maybe, maybe... But it does fit in with the gap in Luci's memory as to why she chose to be called what she calls herself. When she gave up her first name.

"I dream about falling," she says quietly, as though someone might be listening. She comes up behind Xanxus and starts untying the medical gown ties so he can take it off. "There's thousands of the same face, old, masked, glowing eyes. She says the same thing every time: 'You will be loved, you will be hated, you will be brilliant, in two years you will be dead'.

"I need to get rid of it too. But in my experience, once something is in your brain, it's never leaving," she says, running her hands along Xanxus' back gently. Maybe he's just cold, but Luci's hands are very warm. "You're not alone in thinking all of this feels wrong, or that you wish it'd just go away. I don't think it's going to, I think it's only getting worse.

"Please, don't do anything stupid," she asks, pushing the gown off of his shoulders. "You're the only one I can tell these things to. I don't want Yuffie to think I believe I'm going to die in two years, she doesn't need that."

He stiffens when she goes behind him. He knows she won't attack him. He knows she's a friend, but he still freezes like he's expecting to get attacked. Perhaps it's because of the perfect bruise of a woman's boot in the center of his back. Perhaps it's because of the slices in his skin or the dark black bruises of his broken ribs. Maybe it's the brand, his mark of shame or maybe it's something deeper. An old paranoia he's just now remembering he's supposed to have.

However, he lets her back there and he doesn't move, just listening. He barely leans back into the warmth of her hands. It doesn't matter how much he hurts. That her touch causes pain. The warmth is something he wants more. He closes his eyes a moment and takes a breath letting the gown fall away from him.

He chuckles a little until he has to stop because it hurts so much. "Watch that positivity there, Luci. Any more hopeful and you'll be shitting rainbows." Mostly because he has to agree, it can only get worse. He turns a little to glance behind him, a deep frown on his face. "So, you got two years. Then I swear I'll make those the best two fucking years of your goddamn life. So I'll talk to you before I go and do anything like that again. I promise you that."

"Don't put me in my grave just yet," she shoots back-- but she can't look him in the eye. It couldn't be true, this is just some... waking hallucination from too much coke or cigarettes. Something. Nobody knew when they were going to die. And what made her so 'special' that she had an expiration date?

She wants to put her forehead on his back, do something to restore normalcy, but there's no place that she can see that's not injured in some way. They really did a number on him, didn't they?

"Nobody knows how long they have. If it's two or twenty or two hundred, I still want to live it out with you and Yuffie at least. Giving the world the middle finger until we can't anymore."

She sighs and closes her eyes, as if the thought is irritating. "Maybe that's naive, to think we'll always be like this, but I don't care. I want it like this. I fucking-- have a family, like this. Or at least people who look out for me no matter how insane or wild or fucked up I get. It's like the universe handed me a gift and I can't stand this feeling that this entire building is trying to take it from me.

"Well I'm not letting it go without a fight. And if that means I get in your face about going after Predator the smart way, then you'll have to fucking deal with me," she finishes with an unsteady laugh. Luci swallows the lump in her throat-- God, she must be so tired-- and lets out a steady breath. "You want me to look at any of this with our med kit?"

He nods a little. No one really knows. Something tells him that he should have died already. He should have died in the ice. Before the ice. He had been on borrowed time and eventually, it would catch up to him. But that didn't matter because she was right. They were Junkyard Carnival and the entire goddamn world can sit and spin.

He remains quiet though. He's certain that Luci already knows he feels the same way. It's why he went after them in the first place. Because he felt they hadn't been punished for hurting his family. Instead, he breaths out a sigh as well. "Looks like I've managed to get a family that looks out for me too." Which means he'll try to check in at least before he goes off and does stupid shit again. They'll probably have yelling matches in the future. Punches might very well be thrown, but that's what family is right?

"If you want. The docs around here are fucking shit. They just slapped some stitches on and sent me out the door. I can't reach my back so..." He won't ask Luci to help him do one thing though. He doesn't want to make Luci help him burn the brand into just scarred charbroiled flesh. Not after what she had just said. He'll do that alone, after she goes.

She smiles faintly, the first time in this conversation and gives a little amused hum about the doctors sucking. Well, there's a silver lining to that she supposes-- Xanxus didn't get beaten so badly that competent doctors made him look only half-dead.

"Come on, I'll get you some whiskey and we'll see what I can do for you."

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I've been beat up, I've been thrown Out

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