interstellar5555 | 003 ┼ SO LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE

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003 ┼ SO LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE

Who: Luci & Pride CR
What: What happens when Lucifer has a minor identity crisis? Shockingly, she's only quietly destructive.
When: Backdated to Jan 12th-14thish
Where: Pride HQ / Carnie Suite
Warnings: Carnies with feelings.

[Maybe that's why she calls herself Lucifer-- because no matter what she says or does, she'll never get the benefit of the doubt. She wears the name like everything she's ever done wrong in her life is a particularly comfortable coat, and nothing underneath would ever be seen. The devil did it... The devil always does it.]

[Squalo had a damned good point though-- anyone she was close to could become a target for Santiago whenever this favor is called up. That she didn't blame him for. Hell, she shouldn't blame him for anything she's feeling because it's messed up. She shouldn't care about getting rebuffed for trying to help, what skin was it off her nose? Who gave a shit if he held her at bay with the reminder of her deal with Santiago like it was a crucifix? The fact that he seemed not to care about her murdering two people shouldn't make her hope that people would understand she'd just been trying to defend herself.]

[No. She shouldn't feel any of those things because no one would ever reciprocate. No one ever had sympathy for the devil. This feels like a lesson she's forgotten, a reason why she can't remember any friends aside from before she joined Pride. No matter what she did, no one would think she wasn't completely evil or ready to lie to them or stab them in the back. No doubt that was why 'Lucifer'. She isn't anything like a spirit of rebellion and inspiration-- she's evil incarnate. She's ruthless and merciless. She'd kill you for a Klondike bar.]

[It would be so much easier if she didn't want to make connections with people, if she looked at the people she saw often and felt nothing. But no, she's risking her life to save Xanxus, she's teaching Jamie intimacy, she's comforting Terry after Naomi's party... What the fuck, why does it suddenly feel so wrong for her to feel positively about those memories? Why does it feel so foreign?]

[Carnie Suite]

[Luci stays in bed after she gets back from her confrontation with Squalo. She doesn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone, but given she's right where she usually is when she's upset it's not terribly hard to find her. Especially when she doesn't come out to eat and has shut off her phone.]

[Pride HQ - 14th]

[After being convinced to exit the suite if only to stretch her legs, Luci goes through the motions of procuring a cup of soup from the cafe downstairs to bring back up to the suite. No makeup, her hair product-free, she's only looked like this after Naomi's party. Something is clearly wrong with her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[With everything that happened since... Ever, Terry's pretty much worried about everyone he knows at all times. When Luci doesn't respond to his text he brushes it off as her being busy, it's not like it was something important, but after some hours it kinda gnaws at him and he heads to the Carnie suite and knocks on her door.]

Hey, Luci. You in?

[A groan comes from behind the door.]

I'm not hungover if that's what you're asking.

[Well that's a yes. He opens the door and steps inside because privacy is for dweebs.]

You okay?

G-O-D, why does everyone keep asking me that damn question? [She laughs, hollow and sad, from her place sprawled on her bed (fully clothed, save for the pants that seem to be abandoned a few feet from Terry.]

Shut the door. I have a feeling you want an answer, and it involves that thing I told you about. The one you can't talk to Yuffie about.

Because we care about you?

[Despite his concern, it comes out as more of an "uh, duh" kind of statement as he closes the door and finds a spot on Luci's bed free of her limbs to sit down.]

Why? [Luci covers her face with her hands, intensely distressed again.] I named myself after the fucking devil, don't you think that's like... red stripes on a snake or bright colors on a frog or whatever? 'Stay the Fuck Away, I Will Pretend to be Nice and Fuck You Up'? Haven't you ever wondered if I'm actually evil incarnate and it's a bad idea to know me?

I respond faster to "Trauma" than my actual name. [And he doesn't know why. Doesn't know why he picked it, doesn't know why he feels more comfortable with that than his name, but whatever. He shrugs.] All I've got is the evidence you've given me. If it turns out you're just the greatest actor of our age then yeah, it's gonna hurt like hell, but you've been nothing but good to me since I met you.

And I want to be, but I just-- can't stop thinking that this isn't right. I shouldn't be upset when people treat me like shit, I should expect it because... ...because look at me.

...I should expect people to mistrust me, and blame things on me. For fuck's sake, we have underwear that has 'The Devil Made Me Do It' printed in huge letters right on the ass!

[Which, to be fair, at the time of production she thought was hilarious. Now it's another thing that's telling her her natural state is 'untrustworthy'.]

...Terry I told Squalo about the deal I made with Santiago. And today when he looked like something was eating at him, he wouldn't tell me because 'what if you tell Santiago? This fucks up the lives of everyone around you too, you realize that right?'

[There's airquotes there, too.]

[Terry shifts a little closer to Luci so he can comb his fingers through her hair, hoping to be comforting, and the expression on his face is between concerned and pained. The idea that she should expect to get hurt or treated like shit or whatever because of her name? Fuck that.]

We all do shit that hurts people we care about. [He sighs softly.] That doesn't make you a bad person or that you should expect to be mistreated. It means your back was against the wall and you picked the only way you could think of to save someone you care about.

I know-- I know I did it for someone who doesn't put any stock in this bullshit psychological mind-trip that I'm dealing with right now, originator of hashtag-Lucifer-Did-Nothing-Wrong, but Squalo's right. [Luci turns to put her forehead into Terry's palm.] Lesedi has me by my tits, and until I know what's going to happen I can't... I can't listen to anything strange happening to anybody.

Look. He's right that you might end up in a shitty position, and I guess you have to keep it in mind, but...

[He sighs and gently cups her face so he can turn her face to look at him.] You fucked up. In a big way. That doesn't mean I get to throw it in your face like your friendship's worthless to me now. What it means-- [And he smiles down at her.] Is I'm gonna help you figure out how to claw your way back out of hell.

Terry... [Luci starts, clearly ready to tell him to let her be and not to get dragged down into this. But the protest comes up short when she actually looks him in the eye. Then all she sees is genuine-- the smile, the offer to help...]

[She opens her arms. She wants him to lay down with her, if he wants to.]

[He can do that. Terry shifts and lays down next to Luci, turning on his side a little to face her when he talks.]

I know you don't like to bug people with your shit, but I've got you. Okay?

[With everything going on, he feels like she could really use someone to talk to.]

[Luci shifts awkwardly until she's got her head under Terry's chin and her arms around his waist. Then she's comfortable.]

...what if I feel like I can't expect people to actually like me because I am Lucifer, Terry? I can't remember why I picked the name. What if it's always been my name...? That's insane, isn't it?

I'm starting to think it might not be as crazy as it should be.

[He tucks his face into her hair and wraps his arms around her with a soft sigh. Garnet's eyes, Yuffie's... friend? And the way he's just been taking it all in stride like it's just business as usual. This is some nonsense.]

Whatever it is, we'll figure it out okay? I'm not leaving you to suffer on your own.

...you're taking the supposition that I'm the devil in stride, aren't you Terry?

[She snorts into his neck and squeezes him around the middle a little.]

I'm not suffering. I'm okay. I have to be okay. Yuffie and Xanxus need me to be okay.

Well I don't.

[He says it firmly, almost parental in tone.]

So in the event you're ever not okay. You know I'm here for you.

[Luci blinks at Terry's neck in surprise.]

...yeah, you're right. You don't need me to be okay. You're probably the most okay person in this whole fucking building.

[This is a stunning revelation. And it lasts for about a second or two.]

Terry, I'm so not okay. I can set my hands on fire, I may be the devil, and I'm waiting for people to start believing that and turn their backs on me one by one.

[It's funny because Terry is so far from okay, but other people have so much more shit going on in his opinion. It's easy for him to push it all down in favour of listening to their stuff.]

[Like this particular pressing issue.]-- You can set your hands on fire?

[THAT'S SO COOL.]

[Luci starts beating her forehead against Terry's collarbone. Gently.]

Yeah, guess I forgot to mention that, trying to keep it under wraps for really fucking obvious reasons.

[She snaps, almost perfunctorily, and produces a flame at the end of her thumb.]

This isn't fuckwit insane at all.

It's pretty badass too though.

[He tilts his head to look at her hand curiously.] It doesn't hurt?

[Luci takes her thumb and pushes it into Terry's forearm. Nothing happens. The flame feels warm as it approaches, but when it touches his skin it just feels like her thumb is warm against him.]

Doesn't hurt anybody. Small miracle, I guess.

[Wow that's so cool.]

So. You might be the devil, and you've got this awesome ability to set your hands on fire. It's kinda freaky, but I'm not going anywhere. [He smiles softly and brushes some of Luci's hair behind her ear absently.] I can guarantee Yuffie and Xanxus aren't turning their backs on you any time soon either.

[Luci snorts quietly, something new coming to mind--]

['I couldn't drive you away, could I? And oh, I tried.']

[Another faint memory of something she should remember, but it's almost comforting. That's what she's doing right now. She's trying to shove them away, just to see... just to see if they would leave.]

[Luci pulls Terry's hand up and kisses his knuckles.] You're a prince.

[He laughs softly.] I don't know about that. [Hmm.] A knight, maybe.

CRASHES INTO THE SUITE

STEPCARNIESON

<333

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