interstellar5555 | 003 ┼ SO LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE

Who: Luci & Pride CR
What: What happens when Lucifer has a minor identity crisis? Shockingly, she's only quietly destructive.
When: Backdated to Jan 12th-14thish
Where: Pride HQ / Carnie Suite
Warnings: Carnies with feelings.

[Maybe that's why she calls herself Lucifer-- because no matter what she says or does, she'll never get the benefit of the doubt. She wears the name like everything she's ever done wrong in her life is a particularly comfortable coat, and nothing underneath would ever be seen. The devil did it... The devil always does it.]

[Squalo had a damned good point though-- anyone she was close to could become a target for Santiago whenever this favor is called up. That she didn't blame him for. Hell, she shouldn't blame him for anything she's feeling because it's messed up. She shouldn't care about getting rebuffed for trying to help, what skin was it off her nose? Who gave a shit if he held her at bay with the reminder of her deal with Santiago like it was a crucifix? The fact that he seemed not to care about her murdering two people shouldn't make her hope that people would understand she'd just been trying to defend herself.]

[No. She shouldn't feel any of those things because no one would ever reciprocate. No one ever had sympathy for the devil. This feels like a lesson she's forgotten, a reason why she can't remember any friends aside from before she joined Pride. No matter what she did, no one would think she wasn't completely evil or ready to lie to them or stab them in the back. No doubt that was why 'Lucifer'. She isn't anything like a spirit of rebellion and inspiration-- she's evil incarnate. She's ruthless and merciless. She'd kill you for a Klondike bar.]

[It would be so much easier if she didn't want to make connections with people, if she looked at the people she saw often and felt nothing. But no, she's risking her life to save Xanxus, she's teaching Jamie intimacy, she's comforting Terry after Naomi's party... What the fuck, why does it suddenly feel so wrong for her to feel positively about those memories? Why does it feel so foreign?]

[Carnie Suite]

[Luci stays in bed after she gets back from her confrontation with Squalo. She doesn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone, but given she's right where she usually is when she's upset it's not terribly hard to find her. Especially when she doesn't come out to eat and has shut off her phone.]

[Pride HQ - 14th]

[After being convinced to exit the suite if only to stretch her legs, Luci goes through the motions of procuring a cup of soup from the cafe downstairs to bring back up to the suite. No makeup, her hair product-free, she's only looked like this after Naomi's party. Something is clearly wrong with her.]

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[Jamie's making his way hurriedly through HQ toward one of the cafes, in search of something alcoholic or caffeinated or maybe both. He's got things on his mind, like the fact that he may or may not be able to do the mind-control music thing like certain Virgos who are now dead - but that doesn't stop him from noticing Luci. She looks different, certainly, and it takes him a moment or two to recognize that it is, in fact, her, but once he does he wastes no time in approaching.]

...Luci? [He tilts his head a little, trying to catch her eye. He's never seen her not made-up, which is unusual enough, but on top of that she looks upset. Visibly so. That's cause for alarm.] Hey, what's up?

[She's just running into everybody she's ever hugged, isn't she?]

[She sees Jamie coming her way as she's focusing on not spilling her soup while walking back to her suite, and part of her hopes he'll make like Maxxie and just not recognize her. No such luck.]

Vegetable soup. [She holds the container up a little bit.] Looks pretty good today.

[LOOKS THAT WAY LUCI SORRY. Jamie falls into step beside her, frowning a little; he obviously wasn't inquiring about her lunch and he's pretty sure she realizes that. Prying probably won't really work, though, plus he'd sort of promised her he wouldn't do that. He tucks his hands into his pockets, going silent for a bit.]

Never seen you without your makeup and stuff before. I almost didn't recognize you.

Sorry Jamie, the magic has officially be spoiled. [Luci smiles faintly and ruffles his hair.] I even shower like everybody else. The shocking truth: film at 11.

[She knows he was asking about something else. She's trying to figure out how to tell him. Would he take offense if she said she thought she cared too much about people...?]

[Given he all but worships the ground Luci walks on, it would take a lot for her to actually offend him. He grins a bit at the hair-ruffling and glances over at her, trying to match her facetious tone.]

You're a person with needs just like the rest of us? Who would've thought.

Welcome to the inner circle-- the terrible knowledge will eventually drive you mad.

Hey, you doing anything right now?

[Maybe Jamie will help her feel less... Other.]

Nope, just wandering. I've got some free time on my hands. [This is accompanied by a light shrug and a small, encouraging smile.]

You want to come back to my place? [She asks, completely casual. But in truth, Luci could use a little bit of Jamie's sweetness. He made her feel worthwhile, and good to a certain extent. She might be using him for this right now, but... surely he wouldn't mind?]

Sure.

[He nods but then pauses a moment, nibbling his lower lip, and then decides he needs to be up front about this.] But I'm...kinda in a relationship, now, so we might need to sort of...refrain from certain. Things. Y'know?

[Luci blinks, almost like somebody's put up a wall right in front of her and she wasn't looking until now. She even stops walking.]

Oh. [Normally this wouldn't phase her at all. But at a time where she's feeling lonely and vulnerable... it's a little bit of a blow. But sweet Jamie had a boyfriend now, that's...]

That's great. [She smiles and pats him on the shoulder.] Yeah, no, that's fine. Don't worry about it.

[He pauses, too, and turns to look at her, genuinely torn.]

I'd jump at the chance to do it with you any other time. [He grins faintly.] It's still pretty tempting.

I...well. I wanna make you happy, as much as I can. [He sounds a little self-conscious, admitting it out loud like this, but he's utterly sincere, as he always is with Luci.]

We can still talk? Or have drinks, or, I dunno, throw shit off a balcony. Whatever would help.

[It's tempting for her, too. It's tempting to just give him a push and get what she wants. Or get him to leave in anger. She just wanted it to be like in the trailer-- him asking how she's doing, one thing leading to another... It's so frustrating.]

I don't know what's going to help. But it's not your job. Don't worry about it.

[She keeps saying that because anything else might hurt him. It's not his fault he found someone to start something with. Being with people was great.]

[She just can't seem to manage it right now, and that really sucks.]

I know it's not...my job. But what if I, y'know. What if I want to worry about it?

[Tentatively, he reaches up to put a hand on her arm. He's still pretty terrible at coming right out and saying what he's feeling, but his intentions are still sincere. Luci is his friend, and gosh darnit he's going to worry.]

I can't stop you, but it seems pretty dumb when we both don't know what's going to make this better. [She dodges away from Jamie's hand on instinct before she realizes what she's doing.]

[It's the deliberate rejection of his touch rather than her words that makes Jamie flinch away as though he's been slapped. He haltingly tucks his hands into his pockets and goes silent for a bit, chewing his lower lip, and then he peers hesitantly up at her, looking confused and a little hurt but mostly remorseful.]

I'm...sorry. I-I can just...leave you alone, if you want me to.

[For a moment, it really does look like she's going to tell him to go home and crawl into bed with Sora or something. It would feel right, to tell him to buzz off if he can't make her feel better. But it's just making her feel worse.]

...fuck. [Luci grabs him before he can even get his hands out of his pockets and squeezes him for a second.] Sorry. I'm sorry. I knew this would happen I just didn't think...

[She didn't think it would happen now when she needed him. But that was just the way shit happened today.]

I'm no good around you like this. I have to go be lonely for a while, it's not your fault.

[He's not really sure how to respond anymore, if he's just going to make things worse with his attempts to help, so he just bobs his head uncertainly, trying not to look too much like a wounded puppy.]

...okay. If that's what you need, then... [He sort of trails off and shrugs, the gesture hesitant.]

[He studies the floor for a moment or two, then looks back up at her.] You...know you're still important to me, right? Even if we can't fool around anymore. There's...there's more to us than that, right?

[...she doesn't know if there is or not. She can't say at that moment, when she can't figure out why she feels so attached to everyone. When she feels so hurt by someone she let in. Two someones she let in.]

[Luci pats Jamie's hair gently.] Sure there is.

[At least it doesn't feel wrong to lie.]

003 ┼ SO LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE

the 14th

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