interstellar5555 | you should have told me

Entry tags:

you should have told me

Who: Finnick and Dino
What: ~~Finnick's going full band-mom~~ talking about BAD STUFF
When: backdated a million years to after the breakfast log on January 19th
Where: H&C penthouse/Finnick's room
Warnings: Probably talk of the Naomi Rivers Incident^TM, will edit if needed!

Finnick almost regrets saying anything about it. He doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want to have to burden his new band mates with anything like this, but if they're going to be able to protect themselves, they need to know. Apparently, starting with Dino.

Throughout the rest of breakfast he remains smooth and charming, and even on the way back he doesn't acknowledge that he's said anything ominous. It's only once they're through the door of the Hue & Cry penthouse that Finnick addresses Dino and nods toward his room. To their band mates it could just be Finnick showing Dino something he's been working on, maybe a song with an spot for Dino to do something interesting with his cello.

Needless to say, it's not that, and once Finnick is closing the door behind Dino he sighs. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so cryptic at breakfast," he says.

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Dino looks at the ceiling, then the wall, anywhere but Finnick. "You're going to think I'm some kind of a psycho or something if I tell you about this." A breath. This makes no sense, it's completely insane, but Dino feels like a little revelatory switch has been flipped.

"I had two that were really weird, but they felt real, okay? One of them..." Can he sit down? He needs to sit down. On the floor is even fine. "A turtle eating a boat. Me with a gun. Some baby with a lizard. And then I killed a bunch of people." He waves his hands. "I don't know how to tell you how real it felt, but it was more like... a flashback, not a dream? That's impossible, right? Me killing people!"

Finnick frowns down at the floor, chewing his lip and trying to figure out if he should talk. Dino's told him this much and Finnick should at least validate him if he can.

"I've seen myself killing people as well," he says after a long silence. "I don't know what it means, but you're right. It doesn't feel like a dream."

"There's actually a lot of things that I don't remember, or I remember them differently at different times. I don't know how to explain that part. I keep thinking I should go to a doctor, but if this is something else weird going on... You're saying to watch what I say, and I've got no intention of telling anyone that I have dreams where I shot some guy in the heart..."

It's vivid. Right now, as he says it, casually, even. The Dino that was and should be, not the Dino that is, is standing there.

"This is really strange, and we're caught in the middle of it. We're having dreams about murdering people. That's not just stress."

"No it's not," Finnick says, tired. He doesn't like talking about this; it's so much easier to just pretend it doesn't happen and move on with his life. This is important, though, and he wants to make sure he's not just wasting his breath.

"I just need to know that if you go looking for answers about this, you won't put yourself at risk. None of us can afford to lose too many friends here."

Dino stands there, feels his knees going weak, and just kind of sits on the floor.

"I don't even know what I would do. I want to know now. I don't want to not know. But what would I say or look for or..." He feels like a stranger in his own body. Something. Isn't. Right.

"I want to figure this out, but you're telling me not to?"

"I'm telling you it might be dangerous if you push too hard. I want to figure it out too but I want to stay safe - I want all of you to stay safe. People keep getting fired and strange things keep happening; who's to say it's not all in an effort to keep us from looking?"

Finnick's sincere, eyes wide and scared. "Just, please stay safe. That's all I'm asking."

"Obviously!"

Panic. There's a little panic. Everything feels surreal and he's not sure what's the truth and what's fiction. Why doesn't anyone talk about it? Maybe they can't do anything, but he thought people liked him well enough to tell him things that are important. At least Finnick is. At least he cares.

It turns his stomach, the whole thing, and he looks a little pale.

"There's... there's no way we're going to be okay, if people are killing people, and just disappearing."

"If we play along, we'll be fine," Finnick says, trying to sound confident in the assertion. He's not, he knows that some people who did nothing wrong have been fired or had bad things happen to him, but he has to believe that something will keep him safe.

"...I can't..." Play along, he thinks, but he can and will if that's how he stays safe and under the radar. All it's conjuring up is a world he thinks he remembers and being kicked and punched and bullied in every conceivable way. Certainly not this.

Not. This.

"I'm freaking out."

"Dino, please," Finnick says, trying to be firm but there's still some pleading in his voice. This looks like it's on its way to backfiring, but Finnick can't let it it get that far. "You can't lose your head over this. We have to lay low."

"Right." He takes a deep breath, actually a few, and clasps his hands together on his lap. This won't do. He really can't freak out. He has people to protect and who rely on him, right?

"Right. I'll... just sit on this, I guess."

Finnick frowns down at the floor and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He's not good at offering support, but...

"If you need someone to talk to," he starts, awkwardly. He's not really sure he's capable of providing emotional support right now but he can at least listen right? Listen and nod along. Yeah, he can do that.

"Yeah." Breathing is hard, but he's doing it. He has to stay calm. He'll be okay. This is... either a fucked-up dream or a reality he has to deal with now. Listening and nodding will probably help.

"I mean, thanks for telling me. I don't need to be in the dark. I don't want to be."

"I didn't want to scare you, but at least this way we can be prepared," Finnick says, still trying to express the weight of this and how terrified he is without actually having to say it. He's not much in the way of prideful, but he doesn't like showing weakness, and telling someone you're scared of them certainly counts as weakness.

"Are you kidding me? I've never been so scared in my life." He laughs uncomfortably. "I want to trust you, and the others, and the label, and the fans. Now I can't trust anyone but myself."

Dino just shakes his head shortly, and stops thinking. Just... stops thinking.

"It'll be okay, right?"

Finnick takes a deep breath, like he's thinking it over. It's hard to think about, but he has to hold out hope. He has to believe that there's some light at the end of the tunnel.

"It'll be fine."

He's supposed to be stronger than this. Dino has a great, grand, sudden sense that he's not supposed to be afraid. It hurts his head and heart to think about that, though.

"I trust you, because you told me this, but who else?"

Finnick shrugs and shakes his head. He hates talking about any of it, so it's not like he's spilled his feelings to that many people. "Everyone who was at the party knows what happened, and I met with the boy from Pride afterward... There are strange things going on there as well. I try not to talk about the dreams too much."

The dreams. So faint and fake and weird, so Dino has tried not to put any stock in them, favoring just rolling out of bed and washing his face before trying to drift back to sleep.

"It'll all come out, I bet. Someday, I mean. We can't... just be part of whatever this is."

"Maybe," Finnick says wistfully. "But if we try to force it, we'll get burned. I just don't want to see that happen to you or to anyone."

"I don't want to lose this, or anyone, or anything." But most of all, himself.

"If I see anything or hear anything or... whatever's weird, do you want me to tell you? Will it help?"

"Maybe," Finnick says again. He doesn't want to commit to anything or be caught up in some conspiracy that will ultimately tear him down. "Maybe if you find people you can trust, talk to them, find out what they know... Maybe something can happen. But I don't know what that is yet."

"Alright." Dino shakes his head and stands. It's going to process eventually, but today is not that day. Until then, paranoia. All the time.

"I think I need to go do something. I don't... probably practice. That'll help."

Finnick doesn't want to keep him, and he feels bad for dumping all of this on him like this. Maybe he only did it so he'd feel less like he was carrying the entire burden. That sounds like him - selfish. He can't go any farther down that rabbit hold, so he just nods and says, "okay."

And Dino won't take a single person down this road, not for a very long time. He nods and reaches out to pat Finnick shakily on the arm, a show of solidarity that's as much as he can manage.

Without anything else, he leaves, off to practice until his hands hurt.

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