"In cento anni o cento mesi, l'acqua torna a' suoi paesi."

[sharktrash]

Who: Squalo and YOU!
What: birthday catch-all! Squalo's turning 23 on the 13th. Yes he is Pisces because his character wasn't fish-related enough yet.
When: 12th-14th
Where: All around Vista city, the mall, the bars, Pride HQ, MANTICORE penthouse, Junkyard Carnival penthouse, etc.
Warnings: Squalo language, violence, substance abuse, (mentions of) banging, will update as necessary


[ prompts in comments! ]

Comments

[sharktrash]

[ Oh my fucking god. ]

[ Okay let's think here. In a classical situation, the smaller thing is always more valuable because people are more likely to pick the bigger thing. Problem is, there's nothing 'classical' about Jecht of all people. ]

[ Might as well risk it. He'll point at the more compact box. ]

Just so you know, if it's shit, I'm shoving it down your throat.

[ Not that he'd manage that, but hey. ]

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

Hey, I had to wrap it, don't think it's anything I would be uncomfortable handling for the sake of a joke.

[Jecht passes him the small box, keeping the large one carefully behind his body at arm's length till he's sure Squalo isn't gonna pull some monkey business. His expression gives nothing away.]

[sharktrash]

[ He glares at the drummer, then, carefully, holding the box at arm's length, he unwraps it. ]

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

[As soon as he gets down to the box itself and opens the lid --]

[Well, you know those cans filled with spring-loaded snakes that shoot out at you when you open 'em? This is sort of the same principle, except instead of papery snakes, Squalo triggers the launch of several dildos to his face and torso.]

[sharktrash]

[ Well, considering he anticipated something springing it and held it away, it's probably not getting anywhere near his face -- ]

[ He's still gonna scream and drop it, though. ]

WHAT THE FUCK?!!

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

[Jecht is practically doubled over and howling in laughter, head bent and his free hand slamming against the wall, his side, any surface he can reach. God, that was PERFECT]

[sharktrash]

[ Might want to keep your guard up, Jecht. There's a vengeful creature made almost entirely of hair approaching. ]

[ True to his promise, Squalo tries to grab the man by the hair with one hand and shove one of the dildos into his laughing mouth with another. ]

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, I'M NOT A FUCKING GIRL.

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

[Almost choking on his own mirth, Jecht holds up a hand to try to shove Squalo back just enough to buy him a moment.]

Other present! Real present!

[sharktrash]

[ Alright, that does buy him a moment. Squalo eyes the other box suspiciously. ]

If that's a blow-up doll I swear to fuck I'm gonna murder you.

[ ah, friendly band banter. ]

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

Come on! I wouldn't do two different jokes, that's overkill! [Take the box, Squalo, come on!]

[sharktrash]

[ Fine. He grabs it and opens it, a bit angrily, this time not really guarding himself. ]

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

[SPRING-LOADED DILDOS]

[Hey, he said he wouldn't do two different jokes, that's the same joke twice.]

[But THIS one, at least, has some other stuff at the bottom. There really is a real present or three in there!]

[Jecht, meanwhile, scoots far enough away that Squalo can't shank him quickly.]

[sharktrash]

[ just ]

[ stands there for a moment as a plethora of dildos bounce off of him ]

[ then the box drops, he grabs the nearest chair to use as a bludgeon and runs after Jecht. This shit is why he has high blood pressure -- ]

VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sublimelymagnificentblitz]

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!

[And that's Jecht doing his best Curly impression as he bolts.]

[sharktrash]

[ What the hell is that supposed to be -- ]

[ either way, a comical chase around the penthouse ensues. ]

can't resist

[snapcrackleburn]

[ Nobody stops to clean up the dildo mess for the time being, so when Roy stands up and makes his way towards the kitchen with his nose still in a book he doesn't see what he's stepping on. One of the dildos roll under his footing and he falls back with a surprised yell, landing on his behind (and some of the other dildos). ]

[sharktrash]

[ he'll stop running to laugh at you, Roy ]

[ tears in his eyes and everything ]

[snapcrackleburn]

[ Squalo ought to expect the reaction he gets. Roy stares up at him in a huff. His expression barely changes as Squalo continues laughing to the point of tears but the moment those watery eyes start to shine Roy chucks a dildo at Squalo. ]

[sharktrash]

[ DING DING DING HE'S HIT RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES ]

[ three, two, one ]

VVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[snapcrackleburn]

[ Roy's ears ring but that split second where Squalo was stupefied was so worth it. Roy doesn't really care if Squalo fires back- that reaction was too funny. He stands up and holds out one of the many dildos to him. ]

Better clean up your toys before other guests trip on them.

[sharktrash]

[ EXCUSE YOU while he's peeling the plastic dick off his forehead and flinging it at Roy because that's the mature and productive reaction to this. ]

Hey! They're not mine! This is Big Daddy's idea of a fucking joke!!

this is what happens when I stay up to 6 AM

[snapcrackleburn]

[ Roy ducks from the incoming sex toy and gets hit in the shoulder. Still worth it. ]

It's alright Squalo, you don't have to be ashamed of your new toys! Besides, it's rude to the person who thoughtfully gave you all this to reject it right here in the middle of the party. He must have spent a fortune on all this. Look at them all.

[ Roy has trouble not bursting into laughter as he gestures around at the mess of dildos on the floor. He steps closer to Squalo and attempts to shove the one he's holding into his hand again. ]

Poor Jecht! [ With feigned sadness he adds a little song to that. ]

♫ Don't deny those nights you wished you had these
Unbreak his heart! Say you love your gift!
Undo this hurt that you caused
When you cursed and told him to leave you alone
Un-cry these tears....

[ It seems the shots that were handed out earlier in the party are working their magic. Suddenly the trip makes more sense, though that would also mean drunk Roy still reads his chemistry books. ]

glorious things. (tis me i needed this icon)

[sharkpunzel]

I don't need-- oh for fuck's sake.

[ WHY ARE YOU BREAKING INTO A SONG. WHY. IS THIS A FUCKING D*SNEY MOVIE. A D*SNEY MOVIE ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF APPRECIATION FOR SOMEONE GIVING YOU DILDOS. ]

[ He just stares at Roy for a few long moment, then buries his face in his hands. ]

I need a new band.

[snapcrackleburn]

No other band will have you.

[ You know it's true Squalo. Have fun in your solo career if you leave. ]

We deserve the chance to torture you a little once a year.

[sharktrash]

Fuck off! Everyone loves me!!

[ UM HOW ABOUT NO he's very much a team player deep in his heart. Also what is chill. ]

Yeah?! What the fuck did I do to deserve this?!

[ you know aside from everything. granted most of the hell he puts MANTICORE through is well-intended and to keep them in best shape, but it must still get annoying sometimes. ]