interstellar5555 | Fate meant it to be [closed]

Entry tags:

demyx,
roxas

Fate meant it to be [closed]

Who: Demyx and Roxas
What: Two musicians with a past all too familiar meet up at a musical equipment store looking for different things (to buy), but looking for similar things (reason)
When: Mid April
Where: Best band equipment selling store that also has an ice cream shop next to it
Warnings: At best vulgar. Other than that, TBA

With all the memories that have come rushing towards him in his extended period of sleep, Roxas has been left a little off his balance here. There has been way too much that has populated his mind of what was, what would have been, what should have been.. and everything about where he is now disagrees with that, upsetting this supposed balance he thought he had.

So, to cope with it in a way that doesn't involve serious self-destruction, he'll be at the most popular store available that sells band equipment and is closest to an ice cream shop. If anyone asks, he's looking for anything to accentuate the sound that drums have to offer. But really he's just looking for a distraction. All this is too much to take. Where is ---- when Roxas needs him?...

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"We don't always have to fight." He murmured in wonder. Demyx didn't particularly care for fighting, he never had. It was just the default of what they had to do. It had always been expected of him.

A reminder that was not entirely welcome. Demyx began to play with his spoon, turning it over in his hands.

"How do I do this?" He asked Roxas. "Do you know? I, uh, since it happened, I've been feeling..." He didn't even know how to finish that sentence anymore.

"It's too much. Everything is too much. I think my chest hurts." Yet, he knew that he'd been guarding his heart close. "I don't want it to hurt. I'm trying to remember what it was like, before I knew I shouldn't be feeling things."

It's a mystery to Roxas just how long Demyx has been in the Organization, so who knows how deeply buried those memories of his are. They might not even exist anymore.. if that's even possible. "Do you remember anything from before? Not before this, but before that time?"

Lucky ~~maybe~~ for Roxas he did get a glimpse of what it was like for his 'prior-self.' That definitely didn't help at first when it came to dealing with everything, but being able to revert to that or use it as a reference is better than nothing.

"You mean when I was a Somebody?" Demyx asked, blinking at Roxas. That was a strange thing to consider. It wasn't something people like them talked about. It was kind of taboo and Roxas had certainly never asked before.

"I...yeah." Demyx said, still bewildered. "Yeah, I remember a little bit. Not as much as some people would but certain things, I remember them. My name, for example." He smiled a little.

Why not break the norm and start? For the others, at least, they still were, in essence, their other selves. At one point Roxas's Somebody was alive and well with him here, even. "If you're feeling now, maybe you're getting closer to being a Somebody again."

The other Nobodies might just simply revert, or assume the identity, who knows, if that's the case. "Might make it easier for dealing with the changes?"

"I don't- I mean I think technically I could be but is this even my heart?" He frowned, he doubted it. "How would they have gotten it? Why the memories...did I take someone else's heart?" He pressed a palm to his chest.

For Demyx, it was an existential crisis.

"Too many changes." He settled on thumping his head onto the table instead. "I'm not the kind of guy for this kind of stress!"

Careful there, with that kind of behavior other people are going to start paying attention. They don't just yet, but in case it starts to happen Roxas adopts more animation in his own. That should fix it.. for now. Until they move from this spot.

"Hey, of course it's yours! You can't just.. steal someone else's and then feel all those things it feels. It doesn't work like that." Or does it? He doesn't know for sure, but that sounds like what would happen.

"Come on.. you don't think you are, but you can be. I didn't think I'd be who I am, from who I came of, with the kind responsibility I had.. nor did I want it, but it was there, and I took it." These things were mostly true; he didn't want what he was given, he didn't want to be the wielder of the Keyblade, much less a tool that Xemnas had sought fit to use for his own agenda, but it happened anyway. Despite it, he's here, somehow. Surely, Demyx could find his own once he overcomes his own hurdle here.

At least he isn't asleep during this time like Roxas was.. or, did that make it easier?

"How would they get it though? I mean, I know I don't get a lot of that stuff but how does all of this work?" He rubbed his forehead as if this was giving him a headache. It was.

He hadn't chosen his fate any more than Roxas had really. It might have seemed like it, but he didn't wake up one day and run off to join the Organization. It had just happened to him. He tilted his head back a bit so he could look at Roxas from behind his arms on the table.

"I'm really not. I don't deal with these kinds of sudden changes very well, obviously."

That's sort of a tough one. If he didn't get it from someone else, where did it come from? The only other answer to that was, "It has to be your own, then. That's the only thing that makes sense."

Guess everyone deals with their own problems at their own time.. but still. Something this paramount needs some kind of direction in order to process it, right? "If you say so.. but, still. You'll probably find you have it in you when you need to. I know I did." However long that takes, anyway.

"It has to be mine." He repeated, in something akin to a daze and his arms tightened a bit as he rested his chin on them, ice cream long forgotten. "Has to be..."

If it was his...

His brow furrowed. "No one can take it from me again then." Demyx said firmly, protectively. As shaken as he was, thrown and out of his element, he still wanted a heart. How could one choose to live without one?

Like any time he sort of understands a situation, but not entirely enough, his eyebrows raise to a point where he's concerned, but not visibly surprised. "Y-yeah.. that. Don't worry about someone taking it away from you, though; no one like that is here anymore. This is your life to live. You can do what you want with it."

To an extent, he wants to add, considering their circumstances with the managers and all.. but he leaves that out for now, for the sake of the other here.

"I want to keep it. I've been dying to get it back to me, I-he promised." Demyx said fiercely, as though Roxas needed to understand his reasons. "He promised. He said he'd give it back to me and he hasn't."

Someone else did though, someone he wasn't sure of, for all the wrong reasons.

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I was free?" Demyx asked him softly. "I can't even begin to guess what I should be doing. Although I guess right now it's Flashstep." He wasn't afraid of those people. They had nothing on their Superior.

Considering what they've been through, nothing has anything on what their 'Superior' did to them, tricked them into believing, shaped and molded their lives into. "Look.. forget him, okay? When you can do that, you'll finally be free." Like when he was the moment he left, after Saix, after Axel, everything included.. that moment was his own. It wasn't Xemnas, it wasn't even his Somebody, it was his to own. And he did own it. That was the one time, of the few anyway, that he made his own decision for himself.

And, as destructive as it was towards his future, it felt great.

"No matter how long it's been, when you're able to be on your own without.. it feels pretty damn good. Trust me, I know. I don't know what version of that story you've been told, but, it was good while it lasted. And I wouldn't go back on it, ever."

Demyx swallowed a moment, just staring at him wide-eyed. He didn't know how to forget him and he doubted he could. He knew what Roxas meant though. He needed him to cast the Organization aside and embrace whatever happened after that.

Destructive towards his future indeed.

"Won't they come after me though?" He asked softly. "I mean...I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what freedom is anymore. I don't remember it."

It was supposed to feel good? "I feel more like my stomach is full of butterflies."

That's something he had the first few times he thought about this and even went about it. But after that, when he actually did it, the feeling inside of him was so damn liberating all of that other nonsense washed away.

"No.. even if they do, you'll be ready. Trust me." If that means Roxas has to be at his side to fight them off, so be it. Screw the Organization. Forget all that they had stood for. Everything they knew then was false, their ultimate atonement even a faux. What a joke.

"At first, sure. But you'll get used to it, and that's probably because you're used to the opposite. But that isn't normal. This is. It'll be fine."

Thinking back on his own time breaking away from this train of thought.. Roxas wishes that he had someone to learn from, lean on, ask about this kind of thing at least. He did it all on his own, without any help or guidance from anyone, and, somehow, made it out on the other side. With a few dents in the side, sure, but still, he's here, isn't he?

"It probably won't be easy but.. it's definitely worth it."

Roxas was strong, to break away so thoroughly. He had courage that Demyx just did not have. He stared at him with a strange, thoughtful expression. Calculating, almost.

Demyx was just trying to figure out if he could do such a thing. It would be a difficult thing to manage. He was having a hard time picturing it. The idea that he'd forever be on the run if he did manage to escape the current situation. He saw that as temporary, his true chains were to his Superior in The World That Never Was.

"What, um, what are you planning on doing?" He asked, a little tongue tied.

He nodded a little bit. "I am used to the opposite. I know it's not normal. I forget normal though." He grimaced.

Demyx looked at Roxas like that now, quiet deference on the subject matter. Their ranks didn't make a difference, Roxas knew something he didn't.

If there was something Roxas knew that Demyx didn't, it was that sense of being able to break free entirely of bonds that supposedly determined his fate. Roxas has the advantage of having fewer years in this servitude, if one can even call it that, to be able to easily break free from it, but for others, who's to say?

"Well.. honestly, I was just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I kind of like playing drums. My manager is a little scary and crazy," that's watering it down, "but I really like what I do, and if anything I couldn't imagine myself doing anything but.. so, I'm going to stick with it until something or someone pulls me into a direction that says I shouldn't."

Which is how Demyx should live his life. But Roxas can't rain that revelation on him by himself.

Demyx had been with them a long time, Xemnas had had years and years to get his hooks into him and dig deeper with each passing day. The idea of so much freedom was a little daunting.

"I never saw myself singing and dancing. I always thought if I was every going to perform, it would be on Apreggio." He swallowed. "I really do love performing for a crowd though. Is my voice really any good? I never thought it was."

He didn't know which way to send his life, but what he did know was that Roxas couldn't tell him.

Even if Roxas couldn't tell him, he'd try. Because his friends did the same for him. It may have not meant a difference then and there, but in the long run it certainly did.

"That's what you should do! Honestly, everything about you, from your voice to your performance to what you can do on the instrument you're playing is pretty good. You should share that talent with other people. They'll appreciate it. It'll only be a matter of time before you get your instrument back. When you do.. oh man, the world better look out!"

He isn't even saying this in a joking matter.. not that Roxas would, because that isn't in him. But he really believes this, seeing and hearing firsthand what Demyx can and does do.

He was surprised to say the least at the compliment. It was a true compliment from someone who actually knew him, actually knew his talents and he was dumbstruck. He blushed darkly.

"I-I..." He stammered a bit and smiled. "Thank you Roxas. I um, yeah, I could do that. Share my talents with this world."

He can't recall the last time anyone complimented him. Most of his peers found his sitar playing annoying and inconvenient, or as Saix put it, useless.

That group of people, or whatever, didn't appreciate anything outside the very boring mold of plain. "I think it'll work out."

Sigh. He wishes that he could feel the same about his own path, but he'll figure it out eventually. "What else you got planned for the day, anyway?" Other than looking at instruments and equipment, then ice cream, Roxas was hoping to get some practice time with him and his. They kind of need it with the big change in lineup.

That was true. The Nobodies weren't big on things that were different or individual at all. That had always been a huge trial for Demyx. If nothing else, he was an individual.

"I don't remember. It didn't seem important after I remembered." He smiled a little weakly, rubbing his forehead.

"None of it seems important."

In the grand scheme of things, maybe nothing does. But they have nothing else other than what's available to them at the moment. That's why, "I have to practice with the band later. We have some new members, you know how that goes." It hasn't been easy.

"We can hang around wherever until then if you want?"

"I don't know what it's like to get new members, I just know what it's like to be the new guy. That sucks." Demyx exhaled. "I mean, they don't even want me there."

Because of his heart, he could feel just how lonely that was. "Then again, the Organization doesn't want me around either."

He frowned, because he sensed that was true. He sensed the mission he'd been on was designed for failure.

"You want to?"

Being the new guy does suck. And Roxas did a splendid job pissing off at least half of his band at the time when he was in that position. Advice on how to handle that will not be best given from him.

"I don't know about the band, there's no way you did as bad as I did when I first showed up. I think I set a record on that."

Hm.. what could they do before practice, anyway? "Sure! You want to see the Virgo tower, where I live? Our rooms there are so much better than that black and white and gray, boring setting we had."

At least Demyx hadn't pissed them off that he knew of, he just felt like an outcast.

"What did you do?" His eyes sparked with interest and he smiled, curious.

He nodded in agreement. "I'd like to see it, yeah. I haven't been there!"

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