interstellar5555 | (no subject)

(no subject)

Who: Roxas, Shinichi
What: THEY RETURN! But not all is well.
When: After May 20th (yacht party)
Where: The Penthouse in Virgo for Nuclear Parliament
Warnings: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll.. also heavy mention of drugs (overdose)

After a point of time during this yacht party, Roxas had been lucky enough (or unlucky, depending on how one would look at it) to bare witness to the kinds of things the people he knew close to him would be willing to do for a cheap thrill. Himself included. After this event, like several others but with more severity, he had set out to do better by himself and start anew the week following. But, like any person who has been through this sort of thing before, realistically this was a goal that wouldn't see the light of day.

At least at some point he had it on the horizon.

Though what he had in mind for himself didn't mean life or death, perhaps for others it did. This wasn't a thought that came across to him until he felt the need to use the restroom, as all people do at some point of time. A few minutes, ten at most, was understandable, but after several attempts to get in there and do what he needs to do with no response from whoever was within he'll become persistent, banging on the door to the point of breaking it down.

Had the person on the other end been conscious, they would have heard the voice of Roxas yelling things like "Open up!" and "Are you okay?" and "Come on, I really gotta go" and, lastly but not least, "If you're going to snort that you can do it in your room." Sadly, the latter holds true when he does get the door open, finding what and who he does on the floor. His first instinct is to panic. Which he will do as long as the body on the floor doesn't respond to "Shin? You okay?"

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He figures it was worth a shot. He sighs and nods, "yeah. I am." He keeps looking at his shaking hand, "And I bet they're gonna want to send me to some fucking detox rehab centre."

The reality behind the situation was that "It's a possibility." They could play it off from here though, say that this was a first time deal, it was by accident, Shin doesn't usually do this sort of thing, and so on.

But Roxas has a feeling if they take that route and Shin comes home after being stabilized, this is going to keep happening. Or worse, he won't make it by the time they get him to a hospital.

He can't live with that thought. "That's not the worst thing though. Come on, even if others knew, tons of famous people have been to rehab. And those bastards are still walking around, making movies and music, revered as idols."

"But the tour.... I can't leave you on that alone." Shin does look remorseful for it. He really hadn't meant to do anywhere near that much. He had gotten lost on it after binge drinking the moment he got home. He lost track of how much he was drinking and blacked out completely long before he started snorting entirely too much coke, having repeatedly forgetting that he had already taken some.

"I'll run away so I can back you up in that if I have to," he promises, looking Roxas in the eye. "I'll go the fuck back if I have to after, but we both know something big is coming up."

It's funny, the tour wasn't even something he had been thinking about. While all this was going on, all his focus went towards Shin. The tour was a big deal, probably one of the biggest deals their record labels will see for a while, but it passed him regardless.

These things would not make their managers happy. And though he'd rather have it that Shin does whatever he needs to do so he gets better, he knows that even if that were to happen, if they miss out on this tour those managers of theirs are probably going to make whatever other ramifications of not getting help are ten times worse.

Goddamn this business.

All he can do to hide the conflicting emotions etching his face now are bring a hand up to it, covering everything but both eyes which look back at Shin. "We'll figure it out." Whatever happens, they'll figure it out.

"We'll have to go on tour. So you'll need to get out of here sooner than later." This isn't the route he would have personally chose, but it's all he can do now. "It's just a few weeks. But," he warns, "You're going to have to be okay with me being on you the entire time. I'm going to need to know what you're doing, where you're doing it, everything. And I won't let up."

Not exactly a fun message to have to deliver, but Shin needs to know he's serious about it this time. He can't take another loss. "You're just going to have to deal with that. Then, afterwards, you're going back. Okay?"

Shin stares down at his shaking hands. "N-not like I g-got another choice." He sighs and sinks into the bed and rolls his head to look at Roxas. "I'm not going to make it through clean though. I... I physically can't."

He holds up his already shaking hands. There's no way he could play the guitar like this, even if he wanted to. Tears start to well up in his eyes as he looks at Roxas, and then looks down and closes his eyes. "It was a bad night, Roxas. It only happened because I drank too much. I know, it's not a good excuse. But, I know what went wrong. I know how to avoid it."

There really wasn't another way around it? Roxas had never been so deep in any kind of substance where he physically couldn't get away, but maybe it was like being stuck in a gang. Or the Organization, from back in his time. Even when he wanted out, he couldn't leave very easily.

When he did, it almost killed him a few times. As much as he wants to be empathetic towards his friend here, he also doesn't want to willfully let him hurt himself like this. That's all this behavior is going to lead to again. "..how? I mean, how are you going to avoid it?"

Shin sighs, "Not drink, for one." He shakes his head, and then woefully looks Roxas in the eyes, "I'm going to cut back.... I'll let you hold onto my shit, only give me a certain amount a day.

"When Luci and I fought and she stopped me, I realised I didn't want to die. I tried to forget about how bad I've been fucking up, and just fucked up worse." His voice cracks and he looks away, trying to save some face.

Not drink? That'll be a struggle for both of them. Maybe it's possible two people abstaining from something can successfully do so. The drive to do so is strong enough, considering the stakes.

"Your shit?" Does he mean the powder? Oh, hell, what is Roxas going to do with that. "I.. I don't know if that's a good idea-" ..but it is better than Shin holding onto it, Roxas won't be tempted to use it the same way. "I mean.. if it's the best, and it'll keep you level enough so we can make it through tour."

Why does this feel so wrong?

"Maybe instead of thinking about how we messed up, we can look to what we're going to do so we can make it better. Right? Everyone messes up." Hasn't he said this before? "It's okay, we'll figure it out. I wish this tour wasn't happening, but we'll probably end up in worse shape if we try to skip it out for any reason." Even potential overdose. "So let's just make it through this. It's only a few weeks. How bad can that be?"

"I need to perform, Roxas, I need this tour," he sighs deeply, choking back a sob. "I swear it was a mistake, a dumb night. I'd told myself that I was going to start cutting back after that night." He is almost pleading, not even sure what exactly he is pleading for.

He looks to Roxas again, putting his hand out to take Roxas'. "I won't lie, I don't want to give it up. I can't imagine being clean, but I don't want to be in and out of the hospital from this kind of thing. I... I should have just gone home and slept after the fight with Luci. Fuck, she's going to be so pissed too."

This kind of stuff is easy to dismiss. But when you actually care about someone, not so much. Yeah, they need to be on the tour, or else the consequences would probably end up being worse than the emergency room. But.. the long term effects? How can he be okay with himself knowing he's doing this to someone he cares about?

Maybe he'll have to up the ante on his own unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to deal. Make it a big unhappy circle of friends and co-workers doing stupid things to get by.

As much of a hard time as he has processing this, there's certain things told to him that are easier to respond to than others. "No, she won't. She can go through me first. Don't worry about it."

Whatever that means is whatever that means. Just take it, Shin, because he's not willing to go into detail any further what he'll do if it comes to. A person can only be pissed off for so long, after all. "I don't blame you about the giving it up thing. I really don't want to give up some of the things I'm doing either. But.. there has to be a line, you know? I think ending up in the emergency room might be one of those things that counts as a line."

With a frown, now that he actually puts thought into it, "If you're not going to do it for people who care about you, at least do it for yourself, or people you care about. You won't be able to see them or do anything with them if this keeps up. Just.. let's figure out a way to moderate it until after this world tour bullshit. Then we can really dig deep and do whatever we need to make it better."

"I'm telling you, it was the alcohol," he pleads. He doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want to die, but he really doesn't want to stop either.

"Roxas, you and Luci are basically the only people I actually care about here. You'd be better off without me," he shakes his head, "I'm not about to end it, but it is what I believe." He sighs, "I don't want to hurt either of you. Not really. I'm sure I do it plenty, and sometimes out of spite, but I'm just a fucking idiot like that."

This isn't even getting sugar coated for Shin's sake. Though he's tired, to the point where he could put his head back down on the hospital bed and nap bending forward like that, the drive to make sure his friend is okay and, now, get that stupid idea out of his head keeps him awake.

"That's not true. I don't care how many times you say that, it's not true. Let's just work on this and getting through this tour then take care of what we need to. We just have to make it through the shows, then we can deal." Since slowly he's succumbing to the tired factor, he'll lower his head onto the edge of the bed anyway, resting it on an arm that keeps him propped up. For now. "We'll figure it out.. okay?"

Shin sighs again and reaches for Roxas's hand. "I said we'd stick through this together. I have no plan on wrecking that."

He'll take it, smiling as he says, "We will."

Holy yawn. "Would it be awful if I rested here for a bit? ..don't draw on my face if I do." Of course there's nothing around to draw on it with, but why not throw in a little mood lightener?

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