interstellar5555 | i will never let you go

Entry tags:

i will never let you go

Who: Maxxie & Terry
What: you know what
When: Feb 5th
Where: Pride HQ/Cosmic Indulgence Penthouse
Warnings: too much cute/will edit if needed!

[The past few days have given Maxxie a lot of time to think and re-evaluate. He still has no idea what happened - but Terry has told him he's fine and Maxxie doesn't want to press the issue, deciding to trust him to say something if he's not fine. The best thing for Maxxie to do right now is continue on as normal, if that's what Terry wants.]

[But things aren't really normal. Going two days without any text back made Maxxie anxious in ways that he knows are more intense than how one would feel about a casual lay not getting back to you. He's spent a lot of time biting his lip, staring at his phone, thinking that maybe Terry doesn't actually like him that much. When the texts finally did arrive, Maxxie was so relieved that he almost burst into song right there. That's what it took for Maxxie to figure out his feelings.]

[He likes Terry. Like likes him. And Maxxie is a man of action.]

[Some time on the 5th, after a regularly scheduled Flashstep practice session, when Maxxie knows he's going to have some time to himself, he shoots Terry a text:]

hey, u home?

[Then, cryptically, less than a minute later, regardless of whether Terry has replied to the affirmative:]

need 2 talk. be up in a few! :)

[And so that's what precedes his arrival at the Cosmic Indulgence penthouse, knocking on the door and then trying not to bounce on the balls of his feet as he waits for someone to answer.]

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[Ah-- Okay. Terry stares at his phone for a good minute, unsure of what to do with this. He likes Maxxie a lot; he's great. Terry's always happy to see him, to hang out or hook up or whatever. He's a good person to know. But more than anyone he knows, Maxxie tends to keep away from most of the horrible shit that happens around here, and he doesn't want to infect his life with all that. And he doesn't know that he has it in him to keep everything to himself right now.]

[Guess he better try though. He throws on a shirt and fluffs his hair in an attempt not to look like an unwashed mess. (Does he need to shave? It's probably fine.) And he answers the door shortly after knocks, looking slightly concerned. He said he needs to talk. It's almost certainly a disaster.]

Hey. What's up?

[The smiley face has not assuaged his anxiety in the least.]

Hey.

[When he sees Terry, scruffy as he is, he feels so much joy that he breaks into a grin immediately, like Terry's already said yes. He has to remind himself that he hasn't even started talking yet, and he tempers his own smile with a great amount of self control.]

So, I wanna talk to you. Well, I already told you that bit, but--

[He shakes his head, glancing past Terry. This would be probably be one of those situations that would be ruined if there were a band mate or anyone else listening in, right?]

Are you alone?

No idea.

[He shakes his head and looks back over his shoulder, like he's gonna see his bandmates all peeking out around doors and whatnot. But Maxxie's smiling and that's a relief, so Terry gestures with a tip of his head toward his room and a smile.]

Want to talk in my room?

[Ah, Terry's room, that's a good idea. He nods and follows Terry through to his room, running through what he's about to say in his head on the short trip. Once the door's closed, Maxxie doesn't give Terry any opportunity to get a word in, diving in right away because he has so many words and he has to get them all out, like he has to make an argument for himself or for why this should happen.]

So there's been a lot of weird shit going on lately.

[Good start. Maxxie holds up his hands like this sentence is going to frame the rest of the talk.]

And it's been really fucked up. Like, with the party and the - I don't know - ghosts, or whatever? Like, supremely fucked up. But with all that stuff going on, you start to think about what's really important and what you want, you know?

[He pauses, raising his eyebrows at Terry and giving him a moment in case he's not following along with all of this before he charges forward.]

Right...

[He follows, if tenuously. He hasn't slept much for a while now - those dark circles aren't old eyeliner - so if Maxxie's drawing to an obvious solution, he can't see it.]

[Maxxie is somewhat encouraged by this, even though he can see that Terry doesn't know what he's getting at. He's getting there, he swears.]

Right, so you and me, we've been spending a lot of time together and I've been having a lot of fun. I mean, I thought it was just fun most of the time, but I've been thinking a lot about it and...

[Wow, he's here. Maxxie's suddenly nervous, and he has to take a deep breath and set his shoulders. It's like he's just realizing now how big this is. But he looks straight at Terry and puts on his most sure-of-himself face, giving him a brief nod.]

I wanna try it. I wanna be with you. Like, as boyfriends.

[And there it is. Biting his lip, Maxxie stays rooted to the ground, hands awkwardly at his sides like he doesn't know what to do with them.]

Edited (words) 2016-02-05 17:59 (UTC)

[Oh. Oh no. It takes a moment for what Maxxie's just said to sink in, and it just about kills him. Even more because he knows a week ago he'd've been elated for Maxxie to ask him this, more than Terry's allowed himself to consciously think about, but right now it feels like just about the worst thing anyone could say.]

[Terry lets out a noise somewhere between an astonished laugh and a sob and sits down with his head in his hands and a quiet apology that's kind of spoken more at his hands then Maxxie.]

[This is less than ideal. Actually this is very much not ideal. Maxxie watches him with a frown, taking another deep breath and then looking down at the floor, swallowing the sting of rejection that he feels coming. He shrugs uncomfortably and tries to sound positive.]

It's fine if you're not into me like that. I'll get on, you know? It's just, I like you a lot, and I thought...

[Did he think wrong? He's never done this before, this relationship thing, but he thought maybe Terry would want to try it. Maybe he doesn't like him that way or maybe it's because he's in a boy band or... Maxxie shakes his head to stop himself before he gets too far down that road, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He's at least not leaving before he knows things are settled between them.]

It's not that, I'm-- I just-- Shit if you asked me a week ago, I...

[Everything he wants to say dies on his lips, like it's not enough. He doesn't want Maxxie to come away from this thinking it's him when Terry thinks the world of him. It's just all Terry's shit getting in the way. He drags his hands through his hair, resisting the urge to start tearing at it because that is not a sensible thing to do right now, and sighs. Staring blankly at the wall because this is overwhelming and he kind of just wants to cry.].

I can't, Maxxie, I just-- I can't.

Well, but...

[Maxxie's feeling the sting full throttle now. He had been really optimistic about this conversation, and now he's overwhelmed by all the confusion and hurt he's feeling.]

[He sits himself down on the bed, giving Terry space, but he needs to sit and slump and pout a little bit.]

I don't get it. What happened? I thought we were fine. What happened?

Edited 2016-02-05 19:04 (UTC)

[He won't get into the details of it, it'd just freak Maxxie out and he doesn't want that. It's really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Terry's issues anyway. The final straw when it comes to aggressively ignoring what's wrong with him. He can't do it anymore.]

... It's like I'm toxic somehow, you know? ["Somehow." He's started piecing it together but it's... Insane.] People get hurt when they're close to me.

[He shakes his head, still staring at the wall.]

I like you a lot, I really do- you're amazing. I just can't... [He swallows.] I don't want to hurt you.

You're not going to. I know you well enough to know that.

[Maxxie says this with confidence as he shifts just a little bit closer to Terry, wanting to reach out and touch him but holding back. He looks down at the floor, frowning miserably, until finally he shakes his head like he can't hold his objections in anymore.]

Please don't do this 'cause you're scared. I know that you don't want to hurt me and we can get through anything else. I'm scared too, of all that shit that's going on right now, but maybe being with someone - you know, on top of all the other stuff - it could help with that.

You can't know that.

[But when he looks up at Maxxie, it's like he's desperately looking for some confirmation that he does know that. He chews his lip, deeply unsure of what to do. He wants this, he does, but he doesn't want to heap all his shit on Maxxie's life.]

You're great, and being around you is always amazing, and I can be myself with you and I don't want to lose that, but I just don't want to be the thing that messes up your life.

[His voice starts shaking a little partway through all that, and he ends up rushing through it.]

[When Terry looks at him, Maxxie can tell that this concern is real, that he's not just making it up as some excuse to get out of this conversation. Something really bad happened to him, but Maxxie's so confident that this won't be bad that he knows he has to push through it.]

You're not going to be. And if there's nothing else holding you back from this, then... it's just not fair if you don't give it a chance.

[He gives Terry a soft smile, his eyes still worried.]

I'm really happy when I'm with you. I just think, you know, we have to give it a try.

[Terry goes quiet for a minute, thinking this through. Maybe Maxxie's right and they really can handle these things together. He doesn't know that that's right, but Maxxie's so confident that it's hard not to internalise some of that, and Terry nods slowly. Why can't they make it work? Of course they can.]

[He gives a slightly wet laugh, wringing his hands awkwardly.] Bet you didn't think I was this messed up when we met.

[Maxxie sighs, still smiling but losing some of the tension in his face.]

You're not as messed up as you think you are.

[He reaches over, taking one of Terry's hands in his own, with a gentle but reassuring grip.]

So?

[He's not going to operate on just a nod here.]

Yeah. [He nods again and looks down at their hands, smiling a little hesitantly as he brushes a thumb over Maxxie's knuckles.] We both want this, so... Yeah, let's--- Yeah.

[Maxxie grins like he can't contain it, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Terry's affectionately before he pulls back. He wants to kiss him, but he bites his lip instead.]

Are you sure? You're not just saying that because I'm being pushy are you? I'm not being pushy, right?

[How does asking someone to be your boyfriend even work.]

A little pushy.

[Terry raises his free hand to indicate a tiny amount with his thumb and forefinger, but the way his expression has already brightened about 1000 lumens should probably speak a lot for how he feels about this all.]

I'm still worried, but I want... [oh no say something less cheesy no its happening fuck.] You.

[Maxxie laughs because he's just so happy, and then he leans in to kiss Terry. His boyfriend. He gets to say that now. In moderation. God they are not having the "going public" talk immediately he only just got Terry to say yes.]

I want you too, if that wasn't obvious.

[Terry looks down bashfully, Totally Not a bit pink in the cheeks or anything, but he's also a bit worried. Why not just immediately test the boundaries of this thing that's fine right.]

[(It's not even really a boundary, Terry just needs to c h i l l.)]

Hey, so. If we're a couple now. [God that feels weird to say. But he likes it.] Can I ask you for something?

[He's actually scared, god bless.]

[Maxxie is 100% perky again. That was a trial, getting to this point, but Terry says the word "couple" and it fills him with such happiness that he'll listen to just about anything Terry has to say right now, even if it's a plot to murder someone.]

[~~It's not, right.~~]

Yeah, sure. Anything.

Can you just. Lie down with me for a while?

[More specifically he wants to be held, because this is nice but everything else is still awful, but he's not quite ready to ask for that in so many words.]

[Maxxie glances behind them, at Terry's bed. He's always laid down here with a certain expectation... It's actually kind of nice that he's just lying down this time.]

'Course I will.

[He lets go of Terry's hand so he can tug at the covers, crawling underneath them and then tugging at Terry to come with him.]

[Terry crawls over next to him and immediately curls up at Maxxie's side. He'd normally be a lot more hesitant, but he's just so raw emotionally, he can't find it in himself to care about much other than how nice this is gonna be.]

Thanks.

We can do this whenever you want.

[He wraps his arm around Terry's shoulders and rests his cheek on Terry's head. It feels new and exciting but so comfortable. He's a little nervous and he's worried that Terry can hear his heart beating hard and fast, but that doesn't council out the desire he has to pull Terry close.]

[Terry sighs happily and rests his head on Maxxie's shoulder. This is great. He puts an arm around Maxxie's middle and pulls himself closer, turning his head up to kiss Maxxie once he's comfortable and settled here.]

Whenever I want? [Hm.] I'm sure this would make a great addition to your next show.

[Maxxie laughs softly, closing his eyes. After all that excitement he's ready to take a nap.]

Well, you can deal with Manny on that front.

I'm sure he'll understand. [YAWN.] I mean, what if I have-- I dunno, a bad dream? And I need you to come hold me with these big, strong arms.

[He says it like it's a joke, but seriously. Good arms. A+ work.]

[Well, that makes Maxxie laugh out loud.]

All those curls finally paid off.

[Terry snorts and puts his head back where it was on Maxxie's shoulder.]

Congratulations.

[Maxxie kisses Terry's head and sighs happily. This is lovely and he's ready to take a nap.]

[Yeah, Terry's there too. It only takes a little bit of quiet for him to start drifting off. He's been so weighed down with everything lately and he's exhausted, but this is nice. He may even get an hour or two of peaceful sleep.]

[Maxxie manages to fall asleep too, although he waits for Terry's breath to even out until he lets himself drift off. And once he's asleep he stays asleep, keeping his arms snug around Terry and even cuddling up a little closer.]

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