interstellar5555 | I'll Show You My Strength Now

Entry tags:

I'll Show You My Strength Now

Who: Shin and you!
What: Practice, various
When: April 17-23
Where: Various
Warnings: Sex, drugs, rock n' roll (and prostitution)

1.) OTA

Coping mechanisms are alcohol, weed, and coke, right? He's wondering if he's crazy, but he knows all too well that everything makes too much sense to be lies. It explains so much about why he loves music so much, and why he felt compelled to sell his skin, but it left him with the question, is it worth going home?

Currently Shin's on the down-swing of a coke rush, contemplating life and the universe over a Long Island iced tea. His foot is tapping rhythmically to the beat, though his expression doesn't follow along with the same enthusiasm.

2.) For Roxas

Shin normally is smooth and controlled. He rarely looks angry, and since his arrival he had yet to actually once act on his anger. Today's practice seems to be getting to him though. He hadn't been close with the other band members, but the temporary replacements seemed to be getting more and more under his skin. His jaw sets harder with each mistake the fill-ins make. Even Roxas's mistakes seem to be getting to him, and his own mistakes even moreso. The first few (hundred?) plays through, Shin was playing as close to perfect as a human being could get with the amount of practice they had already put in, but each jarring note off of the tune seems to be messing with his game more and more.

Finally, the bassist plays another measure in the wrong key and off beat and Shin snaps like a guitar string. He lifts the bass violently over the bassist's head to get the strap off of him and swings it back around to smash into the floor. A piece of the guitar flies out, directly into Roxas's main drum, earning a deeper scowl and a silent curse. He didn't want to get Roxas involved, but he'd fucked that up, apparently. He tries to let it not ruffle him too much as he looks the bassist dead in the eye before announcing, "Sounds much better now."

He pulls off his guitar and throws it at one of the stereos, making them collide with a horrific sound.

He's apparently done for the day as he storms out the studio. At the very least it's going to take a few minutes to replace the three instruments he just wrecked.

3.) Wildcard

jynxed

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These are the kinds of things Nobody's should be saying, not a person who has always had a heart, and still does. What the hell has this kind of world done to people? Even in this obviously brainwashed kind of world, why is it that those painful memories from their past lives bleed through to what's going through here?

Roxas has been going through 'painful memories' from the inception of his creation, the midst and towards the end.. and even after, because why would it end there? But here Shin is, still young and in his prime, feeling these things strong enough, with this opportunity to have his mind wiped from his life prior and start anew, being ruined like this still.

Making a statement like that.. I just wish I was never born, speaks a lot to Roxas. It upsets him because, many, many times before, he had wished and hoped for the same thing. Even done some stupid shit to ensure his end, yet, the deities above them rejected that idea, and it didn't work. It isn't like he's talking out of his ass here.

By doing this he has to be careful, because maybe Shin wants this so he can lower his guard and then move forward and out, of course Roxas thinks like that, but it's the safest way to go about it, so.. being as aware as he can, he crawls forward to reach Shin, grabbing both items that lay aside - the cigarette and the lighter - holding them at least in that they don't sit on the floor.

"I know.. it's okay, though. You're not alone. There's people that care about you. There's things you've done that your existence means something.. if that makes sense. You.. make a difference. If you go away.. that's going to hurt some people."

Shin isn't going anywhere. It's like all the energy drained from his limbs. Tears are still falling from his eyes, but it would be hard to otherwise know that he's crying. It's almost like his body didn't even know how to cry.

If Shin knew about Nobodies, he'd probably swear he had to be one somehow. Why else would someone feel so empty no matter what they tried?

He was hoping that Roxas would say that he cares. That he would be hurt. Everyone else was so far away, in another dimension that he hadn't even dared hope he could return to. But at the same time his mind wanted to reject that he could be missed. That things were better with him around. "What if they would hurt less than they would if I stay? Isn't that selfish too? To try so hard to stay when you only make things worse?"

That's a thought that Roxas has had before. If he had left, which he tried to do, would they be better? Though his presence could, maybe even definitely probably would, though inevitably make for a worse situation, what if that?

From his experience.. it has not. It did not mean for the best of his friends. There isn't an easy way to deliver this kind of message to Shin, but maybe at this proximity it can happen. "Hey.. that's not possible. Have you ever known you? That's not a thing that can be written off easily. I don't know about anyone else who has said otherwise, if they have, but," be it inappropriate, but he's going to put a hand on Shin's shoulder here, in an attempt to convey the message he's trying to deliver.

"You mean a lot more than you think. That's how it always is. It's easy to forget those other people, but you can't do that. Because.. you're a good person. Even if you don't think there's other people that care about you, or depend on you, there are. IF you need an example though," and this isn't hard for him to come forward with, "Here I am. You being here means a lot. And you doing anything to take away from that... sucks."

Shin's expression is unreadable, but if Roxas can really understand Shin, then he already knows that his words hit home just from how unreadable that expression is. That Shin lets out a keening sob and hides his face again as his shoulders shake. This time as he cries he actually lets Roxas hear it, even if he's still rather quiet. He doesn't know or understand why now he feels like he can make a sound, but just maybe it's him actually starting to feel some kind of connection to someone else.

He pulls himself together tighter, but if Roxas tries to take that hand away, Shin will grab it himself, for better or worse.

Brows furrow together as he fills with concern. Being the one on the comforting end of this is uncharted territory here. He doesn't know if any of this is even going to help or hold weight later, but at least he's trying. And he hopes it does.

For now all he can do is be there, which is best it seems, no need for words arising, just a continuation of keeping that gentle, affirming contact. He doesn't intend to leave until Shin gets it all out. Sometimes a person needs the time and a safe place - odd how that ended up being a public bathroom people typically go to shoot up between sets - to let themself feel.

..it's what Sora would do. Be there.

Shin drags Roxas in closer to him, hiding his face on Roxas's shoulder. After a few minutes he pulls back and wipes his eyes. He's still not saying anything, but he reaches for the cigarette and lighter and tries to light it again.

He's still having a hard time getting his fingers to work right to light the lighter. He ends up cursing at it and then laughing darkly before looking to Roxas to help. His hands are shaking violently still.

It isn't like this is the first time someone's lit up in the bathroom here. Catching on real quick - mostly thanks to the profanity - of what Shin needs done Roxas takes the lighter in hand and flicks it on, holding the flame steady so an even breathe in can get a drag of the stick started.

Thinking about the situation at hand, the one needing more attention anyway, and his own prompts a mumble of: "Shit.. what are we gonna do?"

Shin could assure Roxas that it isn't the first time, having been the one to do it more than once. He had also lit up all over throughout the rest of the building too. He's pretty guilty of smoking inside. If there were 'no smoking' signs up, he never seemed to notice them.

He takes a deep inhalation and sighs out the smoke. He leans back against the wall, "Pray that Stella doesn't kill me anyway?"

That's.. not going to happen. Shaking his head and confirming it, "That's not going to happen. Whatever broke can be fixed," not mentioning that he searched good and far for that particular part that broke in during Shin's outburst, "As long as things keep going.. what are they going to do? Virgo is kind of losing out on musicians, anyway. It wouldn't make sense to get rid of any of us intentionally."

Right?

Shin sighs, "You think so? Yeah, you're probably right."

He takes in a deep inhale of his cigarette again. He keeps taking deep breaths, "Maybe they'll give us a break for the night. Or we can steal one."

He looks to Roxas, still leaning his head against the wall, "I didn't mean to break your drums." He smiles a bit wryly, "I did mean to break the other stuff."

Give? That's a stretch. Though after the commotion, and the other members witnessing Roxas running angrily towards Shin so soon after the event occurred, it's probably safe to say they're fighting. Or recovering from fighting. Or running/hiding. Who knows what they're thinking, they're too new to have met and gotten to know personally.

"I think that second option is better.. long as it's no where near here. I'm definitely not in the mood to play anymore." For tonight. It would be some good therapy to just let loose on a working set later, though.

As mad as he wants to be about the drums, he just can't do it anymore. That comment slyly added in has him laughing quietly. "Oh yeah? Well mission accomplished there. I guess you can just.. replace the stuff." If he can find it. "Or figure something else out. I'm not worried about that right now."

Though he did play it off as no big deal, the fact that the managers will be looking after them is a concern. Enough so where he knows they need to get the hell out of that area as soon as possible until things blow over. "You want to sit back for a while, or you think you're ready to ditch this place?"

Shin pushes himself up, "Let's blow this joint... just a minute."

He pulls out the speed again, and starts to cut himself a line. Yeah. He's doing this now. Roxas knows now, so why bother hiding it?

But. They just. Didn't they? ..why?

It's like watching a storm unravel, destroying your home while there's nothing you can do to protect yourself or others. "Is this.. necessary? You gonna be good?" To sneak out of here, to function.. this will be a first he'll be dealing with someone else riding that kind of high.

It's the first time Roxas knows that he's dealing with someone riding that kind of high. Shin had actually been quite high pretty often now. He waves off Roxas's concerns, doing his line. He lets his head roll back with a smile before putting everything away. He puts it in his pocket, and turns to Roxas, "Alright, let's go."

He smiles, nearly laughing, as he take Roxas's arm. He peeks out of the bathroom, making sure the coast is clear, and then takes off running to the garage. He's going to drag Roxas onto his bike without a helmet. They don't need it, right?

..this is going to be an adventure, isn't it? It's probably not best that, after having a serious conversation about important, deep seated issues, a pouring of it even, that the first thing they do is drugs and running.

Just.. ignore it, Roxas. Everybody moves at their own pace. With the kind of mess he's in, maybe he should follow suit, even though he knows that feeling is only temporary. But so comforting..

If they're heading for the bike then great, Roxas thinks, they'll get out of here quick! Where's the helmets? If his driver is going to be high while operating a vehicle, where are the goddamn helmets?

"Yo. You got helmets or something, right?"

This is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea.

Shin kicks the bike on, getting it running, "You'll be fine." He's smiling. Yes this is a bad idea. This is dumb. Shin? Doesn't care right now. He's pretty sure that he's actually a god at the moment.

"Get on."

Damnit. "Fine.. I'm only doing this to make sure you don't end up in a ditch." But if he does, Roxas will be there with him, so the logic fails completely on that point.

Figuring he's had a decent life thus far, little regrets, with a quick prayer said to himself he hops on and holds onto Shin for dear life. "Just far enough to get outside of where they'd be looking, okay?"

Shin makes sure that Roxas's arms are tight around him as he turns the motorcyle around and speeds off. They're going incredibly fast. Illegally fast. He somehow manages to slip around all the cars, and dodges the red lights by taking right turns.

Shin doesn't stop until they're on the outskirts of the city, making record time. He hadn't stopped once along the way. Even how he parks is wild- letting the bike swing dangerously into a space on the opposite side of the road, spinning so that it's facing the right way.

They're outside a small dive bar that looks like the sort of place punk artists might get their start in. It's feels a great deal like CGBG or Max's Kansas City. With the ease Shin got here at the speed they were going, it seems like it may well be a place he frequents.

Once they stop, Shin sits there for a moment, laughing. It almost sounds like he's lost it, but after a moment he calms down. "That's what I call travel."

This must be what the descent to hell is like. There's at least a dozen times, probably more since he stopped counting and instead starting wondering who would miss him when they crash and burn, when they come very close to colliding with something; a light pole, another car, a pedestrian, a patrol car - damnit Shin, are you even looking or operating on autopilot?

It doesn't matter where they stop, or if they're even at a complete stop, because the closest that they get to 10mph and under Roxas jumps the hell off, waiting for Shin to park and then laugh. Some of that anger is coming back from the destruction of his set pieces, but he tries to put it aside. It might fall on deaf ears considering the circumstances.

"The hell!? That was stupid! We could've easily died, tons of times! How are you alive, even?"

There was a bit of it that was a little fun, the thrill of it all, Roxas won't be admitting to anytime soon. "I need a drink after that.. I'm going in." No glass breaking this time.

Shin's wiping away tears of laughter as he locks the bike and goes in too. Roxas, here's hoping you can drive a motorcycle or take Shin's keys. He shouldn't be allowed to have them right now, and even less so after a few drinks.

"The usual," he says to the bartender, handing him his credit card. Regular status confirmed.

There's a live punk band on stage, some struggling group that doesn't sound half bad. Shin pats Roxas's shoulder, "It wasn't that bad. I was in control the whole time." Which was mostly true. He might be lacking inhibition or fear, but at least on the ride here his reaction times are as good as ever. "It was fun. Admit it."

There is no such thing as him knowing how to drive a motorcycle. But taking keys, he can arrange. Either now or down the line when Shin is further in. This is the first of the day for Roxas indulging in any mind altering substances, so hopefully he has the upper hand in that department.

Or he'll just have to pry the keys from Shin, whatever. The band playing catches Roxas's interest and earns his attention after he orders: "Whatever's readily available, straight, neat, please and thanks. Oh, put it on his tab." For scaring the shit out of him.

By the end of this, maybe he can rack up a tab that will cover the damages to his set to a degree. That.. would be impressive. "I won't admit anything of the sort." At least not until he's a few in.

"Hey, these guys are alright, huh? Maybe we should consider them for ours.. heh."

Shin laughs as Roxas puts himself on his tab. He nods his approval to the bartender. He plans on covering the price of repairing Roxas's set. Even if he needs to put in a pretty penny, it's the least he can do.

"Pull something like the Carnies and kidnap them." Hopefully he's joking. After the motorcycle deal, he might be serious.

Fortunately he's not.

"Better than the people that we have right now." He smiles at Roxas as the bartender slides him his drink.

That kidnapping mention hits too close to home. Roxas didn't even have his drink yet, but he wish he did when he heard that with all those fantastic memories of past it brings up. There's a pause once he has his, the art of repression at play here prior to taking that first sip.

That is strong. The first one always bites like that. "You think? Maybe they picked them up off the street." At the rate the musicians are dropping out, they're going to have to.

"You decided whether you want to stay or go?" Maybe the decision from earlier differs now.

Shin sighs, leaning head face onto his hand. He stares into his cup before downing about half of it. "You seemed pretty freaked out by the thought. It's not like I'd want to cut ties."

He isn't going to leave, no, but he wants to know what is up with that. Dazai had scared him some about the possibilities.

There's too big a ratio of liquor to NOTHING ELSE in his glass that's going to allow a downing like that. But when he thinks about what actually could happen if Shin, or anyone really, tries to leave their contract, it does serve as enough inspiration to give it a go.

They're going to best the regulars if they keep up at this rate. "I am, but how much would that stop you if your mind was made up?" Roxas knows for him, personally, it wouldn't be a giant driving factor if he was set on it.

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